At the End of All the Lies
by Takada Saiko
Summary: The Cabal has been defeated and the Major is behind bars, but things will never be dull with Jacob as the newest member of the task force. A collection of one-shots following World on Fire. Keen2.
1. Loyalties

Notes: This is a collection of one-shots that will be linked in (what I hope) will be mostly in order, following my multi-chapter story World on Fire. There will be a few things that won't make sense if you haven't read it, but in general the major point you'll need is that Jacob was offered a job with the task force and that Ressler was basically forced into making that offer, so those two have some potentially rough roads ahead. Hope you enjoy the collection!

* * *

 **Loyalties**

"They want me to do what?" Jacob managed, hands stilling over the skillet and his gaze snapped back to his ex wife. She had been cleared back to duty just a day or two before, the myriad of investigative meetings, interviews, and psychological evaluations finally coming to a close with a couple of exceptions. He, on the other hand, was still wading through more paperwork than he realized could have been attached to a job. He was beginning to wonder if the point was never to put him in the field, but just to keep him out of their enemies' pockets.

Liz shifted uncomfortably from her place seated on his countertop. "Well, most everything is settled except for your medical clearance and the last round of psychology-"

"That woman is going to _drive_ me nuts," Jacob groused, tossing the chicken in the skillet so it wouldn't burn.

"I think you may drive her there first," Liz answered with an amused smile.

"Yeah? You guys talk about me?"

"Not specifics. She can't, but I do know you, and I'd guess you dislike psychologists as much as any doctor."

Jacob chuckled. "All but one."

"Good answer," his ex laughed as she slipped to the floor, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "You've been through a lot, Jacob. She's not going to judge you on it. Talk to her."

"I have you to talk to," he countered.

"Yeah, but you and I both know I'm too close to fill that role. The FBI just wants to make sure you're... steady. I had to go through a variety of exams because of the Connolly thing. I'm _still_ going through them as I get back out into the field."

"I don't like people poking into my past unless I let them in." He dumped the chicken pieces into the pasta that was already soaking in sauce. "They never get it right anyway."

"Just give her enough to clear you," Liz advised, kissing his shoulder.

"So they don't know if I'm crazy or not, but they want to put me in a room with my old handler? I knew the FBI didn't always think things through, but-"

"You don't have to be in the room, just behind the glass. Bud won't even see you."

Liz let go of him so she could lean against the counter, her gaze steady as she watched him stir their dinner. He did his best to ignore her. He knew what she wanted, but he wasn't sure he was willing to give it just yet. The subject of Bud was like a barely healing wound, easily pulled back open to begin the process all over again. The man had raised him and pulled him out of a situation that likely would have killed him, and in the end their break had been more painful than Jacob was ready to admit.

"You want to open that bottle of wine you brought?" he prompted.

Liz sighed, but still reached for the bottle she had brought with her and started to open it. It was a great deal like their early dating days in which she would bring the wine and he would cook. They had agreed between them that slow was best if they wanted to find a way through all the lies. He had rented out a small apartment and Liz had found one that was, at least, not a motel room.

"The interrogation is happening tomorrow at the Post Office. No one knows him like you do."

"I'm not cleared for work, I thought?"

"You're not cleared for active field duty."

Jacob sighed as she handed him a glass of wine. "My choices seem to keep being made for me."

Liz frowned a little. "Are you really not okay with this?"

"Of course I'm not okay with it," he huffed, "but I'll do it."

"Jacob-"

"No, don't start now. You already worked your charm," he said, the tease in his tone meant to end the conversation before Liz decided to delve deeper. They could talk _after_ he faced Bud. Doing so before would do nobody any good.

"You'll talk to me when you ready... Won't you?"

His smile turned a little more real. Liz had a habit of focusing in when it came to her job, and he and his feelings had always taken a back seat to that. It had taken the agreement, but she seemed to pick up on what he wasn't saying, and the fact that he wasn't ready to say more. It was small, but for them it was a good step in the right direction. "Yep," he agreed, shovelling food onto each plate. "Just not before seeing him. Not if you want it to happen."

"Fair enough."

"I think we need a new rule: no work talk over dinner."

Liz smiled and it reached her eyes. "Rule definitely accepted," she laughed and took a sip of her wine.

Jacob echoed the smile, pushing Bud out of his mind. That could be handled the next day. For the moment, it was just he and Liz, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

She had stayed the night, the excuse that they needed to be in early the next morning the one that she'd gone with. The reality of the situation was that the more she thought about it, the more she understood exactly what they were asking him to do. Her hunch was verified when she woke in the middle of the night to find his side of the bed empty. Liz had seen the light on under the bathroom door and heard the shower running, but even after she had gone back to bed she was fairly certain that he never did.

He didn't mention it over breakfast or on the drive in, but as they took the lift down to the black site he grew quiet, his expression closing off in a careful way. Just before the door open she reached over and took his hand. "Love you."

The mask cracked just a little to see Jacob just beneath. "Love you too," he answered, squeezing her hand in his. The mask fell immediately back into place and he released her hand as the doors slid open into the main room. Ressler looked like he had been waiting on them.

"We have McCready in the interrogation room. Phelps," he said purposefully, sounding as if it were taking a great deal of effort to call Jacob anything other than Tom, "will be behind the glass. You can't be in the room itself until you're fully cleared."

Jacob nodded and Liz forced herself to meet her partner-turned-boss' gaze. "Where do you want me?"

"You're back on duty, Keen. I want you ready to go in if the situation calls. Samar and I are going to lead it."

Liz nodded, trying not to feel a stab of regret at the shift. Things were different, and Ressler had done a better job that she thought she might in his shoes keeping things entirely professional between himself and Jacob. None of the irritation showed directly, and while they would likely never be close, she hoped they could at least develop a respect for each other.

"Don't look so disappointed, Keen," Ressler said with a hint of amusement. "I just need the man to go back to his solitary confinement in one piece."

She smirked. "Might be best."

Ressler didn't say anything more as he motioned for them to follow. Jacob was silent, hands stuffed deeply into his jean pockets, and his gaze was drifting as they walked. So far he had gotten an escort everywhere that he went, but Liz thought there was a good chance that by the time the final box was checked off and he was put on active duty that he'd know his way around better than half the people there.

As they moved into the back room to observe the interrogation he moved to stand in front of the glass, taking his hand out of his pocket only long enough to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose as Ressler spoke. "We just need you to watch for any irregularities that we might not know to catch. It'll be recorded, but-"

"Some things are easier to catch in the moment," Jacob said, his voice flat. "I'm aware."

Ressler nodded stiffly. "Alright."

Liz moved to stand next to her ex. "You okay?"

His gaze hadn't shifted from the chair that Bud sat in, hands visible on the table where they were cuffed to a bar. "Yep," Jacob answered automatically.

She nodded, not really believing him, but she didn't think he expected her too either. He was there to do a job and he would shut out any and all distractions until that job was completed. It was something that she understood, at least on a level. It was the deeply personal connection with this man - if the either men admitted it or not - that she worried about. Jacob had proven to be skilled at pushing back his emotions, but then they seemed to have a habit of rolling over him when he least expected it. All she could do was to stand by him and support him, and part of her wondered if that was part of the reason Ressler didn't have her in there from the beginning.

The door to the interrogation room opened and the newly-named assistant director was the first one through, Samar following behind. They sat across from Bud, but the Major could be easily seen from the viewing room between them.

He smirked, gaze shifting between them. "Is this where we talk about all the ways you can help me?" he chuckled, quirking an eyebrow up.

Ressler snorted. "No, this is where you help us."

Jacob had told them multiple times that Bud wasn't one to give under pressure. Put a knife to his throat and he told you to cut it. A gun to his head? He'd offer to take a bullet before taking a dig to his bottom line.

"And what makes you think I'm going to do that?"

"Because the sooner you do, the sooner you're processed," Samar piped in. "Currently you're being detained as a potential terrorist. Until we understand the full breadth of your organisation-"

"You won't. You ain't getting anything more from me than you've gotten before, so stop wasting both of our time." His gaze shifted between them. "But the kid's already told you that, hadn't he?"

Liz risked a look at the man in question. Jacob's expression hadn't changed, but she could see the very slight tightening of his jaw that was one of his tells of stress. He was internalizing it as best he could.

"Who did you have lined up to take your place in case of incarceration or death?" Ressler asked, pointedly ignoring the last statement.

"Might as well lock me up now. I'm not answering-"

"A name. Who runs your organisation now that you're out of the picture?"

Bud snorted, his gaze drifting past them. "You already know you're not getting anything, so I'm gonna guess you have him standing behind that glass watching my every move. Is that it?" It was as if he could see through the glass with the way he was looking at it. "Listening to my every word. Is that it, kid? You think you can figure me out?"

Liz reached out automatically and bit her lip as Jacob pulled away, his gaze never shifting. She looked to Ressler, looking for a sign that he was going to bring the topic around, but there was something in the set of his shoulders that made her uncomfortable.

"He's a loyal dog until he's not," Bud directed at Ressler with a shrug. "He gets these crazy things in his head sometimes, like that little bitch you keep. Don't know how she did it, but she did. Convinced him he could break away and live out the rest of his days with her."

"A name, McCready," Ressler said tightly.

"Whatcha going to do, Jacob?" Bud kept on, entirely ignoring Ressler at this point. "Marry her again and have a kid or two? Make sure you've got that family that you never had? Cute, kid. Real precious, until I get out, because you know that I will." The Major stood, his wrists still chained to the table, but he appeared to be looking directly at Jacob. "If it's not me it'll be someone else. I guarantee you, kid, you won't have that precious family of yours for any time before I take them from you."

"That's enough," Ressler growled dangerously, and while Liz couldn't see his face from that angle, she could tell that McCready's words were even getting to him.

Jacob, though, simply stared blankly at the glass. After a moment he broke, blinking rapidly and the breath he took was unsteady. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"At least we know there _is_ someone. That's more than we knew before."

"Jacob," Liz whispered, her hand coming to his face.

"Can we wait till we get out of here?"

She nodded. They waited until Bud had been led out before Ressler came into the room. Jacob went over tiny details that he'd seen, many of those things Liz hadn't. A shift in speech here, the way his drawl came closer to the surface when his own emotions wavered dangerously, and, of course, the fact that there was someone. This wouldn't be the last visit, but at least it had yielded something that might lead to answers.

Nothing else was on the books that day and they both took off early, Ressler catching her just long enough to remind her that he was a phone call away. Jacob remained utterly silent the whole way to his place, almost as if he risked a word his entire façade would crack and shatter. She let him keep his silence, forcing her own patience into submission, and had put a kettle on the stove for some tea when his strong arms came around her from behind. He held on tight, and even though she couldn't see his face, she could hear the strained way he was pulling in breaths. She reached a hand up, running her palm along his forearm and leaning back into his desperate embrace. Several long moments passed like that with him clinging and her being clung to, before he released her enough that she could turn and wrap her arms around him in turn.

"I'm sorry," he whispered raggedly after several more moments.

"For what?"

"It's not just me. It's you too. I won't let him-"

" _We_ won't let him," Liz said firmly. "He threatened both of us. We're a team, Jacob. _We_ won't let him win."

She heard him give a trembling chuckle in response, still holding tightly to her. "Right."

Liz reached up, her fingers in his hair and smoothing it down in the same soothing fashion he used with her so many times. He'd protected her more times than she realized and now she just wanted him to feel safe as well.

They held onto each other like that until the kettle began to sing. Jacob chuckled in her ear, finally releasing her and letting Liz pour the hot water into two mugs with tea bags waiting. They moved slowly to the living room and half collapsed in the couch together, leaned in and close. He wrapped an arm around her and Liz sighed, leaning back against his chest. Their fingers were laced together and she raised his to her lips, pressing a kiss to it. "The only way we can do this is together."

"I know."

"Will you let me help you?"

"Isn't that what it means to do it together?"

"As long as we both know that," she answered softly. "I know... I know there's a lot I don't know yet. We'll get there, but I want you to know you really can talk to me about anything. Your past is behind us, but... You get that it's normal that it still affects you, right?" She felt him shrug behind her and she leaned her head back against his chest. "It is."

"There is a lot you don't know," he said tightly. "I don't...want to keep it from you, but-"

"But no one likes volunteering painful information."

"I compartmentalize," he explained softly. "It doesn't always... If it's not something we're talking about and it doesn't have to do with us-"

"Everything has to do with us if we're together," Liz pointed out.

"Okay."

"Just not all at once," she teased and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head and chuckled in her ear. The sound was warm and real, and with it she felt him relax a little.

Liz smiled as his arm wrapped around her and she nestled into his embrace and slowly he started to tell her about Bud. It was a piece to a puzzle that it would take her years to fully understand, she knew, but she was willing to learn. She loved this man, and she would make the conscious decision to remember that, even in the face of things he'd done that she had trouble accepting. They were going to be okay. After everything - all the pain, the lies, and everything that brought with it - he trusted her, and she had begun to trust him again. Just because the dangers that they had faced were put away didn't mean new ones wouldn't show, but a long as they faced them together she was certain they would come out alright.

* * *

Notes: When I first started coming up with the idea for World on Fire I had a scene that played out in my mind of when they had taken down the school and were leading Bud out, him trying to goad Jacob into killing him instead of going to prison. He would yell and threaten Jacob's family, both present and future. It was a very emotional scene in my mind, but when I actually wrote the story, it didn't make it in. I knew it still needed to be written, so this little piece came up.

If you have any one-shots you want to see for this series, let me know. I'm definitely taking requests.


	2. Conditions

**Conditions**

It was something like a staring contest and the first to blink first would lose, and Jacob _didn't_ lose. His posture was relaxed, slightly slumped in the oversized chair with one ankle crossed over the opposite knee, blue eyes guarded, though he wore a smile. The woman opposite of him - Dr Freedman - sat straight, but not uncomfortably so, and her smile had faded some time ago. Finally, she sighed, lacing her fingers together and leaning back to study him. "I understand that someone with your background has trouble opening up, Jacob, but you do understand that without my say so they will not put you on active field duty?"

Jacob tilted his head a little. "And you don't think I've been open with you?"

"I don't," Dr Freedman answered, never breaking eye contact. "These discussions are confidential. No specifics will be provided to Assistant Director Ressler or to anyone else."

There was a small change in her expression as she mentioned the man's name and Jacob straightened in his seat. "Not a fan?"

"Excuse me?"

"Of Ressler's?"

A small smile perked the corners of her lips. "Every agent in this task force undergoes mandatory evaluations, but this isn't about Agent Ressler. This is about you." She shifted, reaching for her notebook that she had been scribbling in for the prior sessions that Jacob had been forced to endure. "Let's go over what I know. You were born in Chicago, you bounced around the foster system quite a bit, but your juvenile records are missing?"

Jacob shrugged. "My previous employer didn't like paper trails."

"Hmm," she acknowledged, but hardly looked convinced. Amused was the word that came to mind, if Jacob were honest, and that was something he'd learned years ago never to trust. "I understand that you sat in on the first rounds of interrogations with your previous employer. William McCready, correct?"

The former operative snorted. "I've known the man twenty years and I'm pretty sure you're the first person that has _ever_ called him William."

"He raised you." It wasn't a question, nor was it really a secret that Jacob had grown up within the Major's organization. Not anymore.

"So what?"

"So you were put in a position that put you in direct opposition to him. That must have been difficult."

"You do realize that I'm the one that gave the FBI what they needed to take down his organization, right? Bud knew he had it coming the minute that he took Liz hostage."

"You fought pretty hard to keep him from doing it, didn't you?" She flipped through her notes.

"I told you last time, we're not going there."

The psychologist looked up and Jacob kicked himself for the hostile tone his voice had taken. He could give her just enough information about Bud - really nothing more than she already had - but he wasn't ready to talk about Gina. He had woken up to more than one nightmare since she had died, the closest thing Jacob had to a best friend's blood on his own hands. Liz had told him he'd been protecting her, but it was more than that. There was a very, very short list of people he'd thought he couldn't pull the trigger on even if his own life was on the line, and Gina had been on it. The fact that he had done it without hesitation to save Liz… he wasn't quite sure what to make of that yet. If he wasn't certain, he sure as hell wasn't going to let some fed-appointed shrink figure it out first and jot it down in her neat little notes.

"This is obviously a sensitive topic for you," she said carefully, watching him for a reaction. He gave her none, walling off his expression completely. "I understand that, but you and I need to be able to speak with each other even on difficult subjects. You can't move on from something if you ignore it's very existence. So let's start small. Gina Zanetakos was also in the employ of Mr McCready. How long did you two know each other?"

Jacob felt the muscles in his face twitch very slightly, his jaw clenched so tight that it almost hurt. "I met her when I was fourteen."

"Were you friends?"

"Sure, I guess."

She looked at him. "Lovers?"

"That's a bit of an overstatement."

"Were you two involved at any point?"

She was speaking so delicately about their physical relationship, like _that_ was what would shatter him. His and Gina's arrangement that she was referring to had been one of convenience, at least on his end. Until Liz, he hadn't had a partner that was anything other than business or convenience. Gina and he had been friends, but romance wasn't exactly something that people like them had had time for, much less really wanted. It was a distraction from what had mattered. "We were as close as any of Bud's operatives got."

"Did you trust her?"

"Yes."

"And she trusted you?"

"Yes. You have answers about Gina. Great. Moving on."

Freedman nodded. "That's fair. What about Elizabeth?"

Jacob paused. "What do you mean what about her?"

"Tell me about her."

"We've done this already."

"You've told me things that I already know. I work with this task force. I have her file. You were married to her for nearly three years. Surely you have a few opinions about the woman you claim to love."

"I do love her."

She nodded. "You betrayed your former alliances to take the fall for her in court."

Jacob huffed, tired of the game. Liz had told him to give her enough to sign off on his evaluation, that the FBI just needed to know he was steady. He knew enough to know that most people besides he and Liz thought that they were both nuts for trying to fix things between them. The task force seemed well aware of the fact that Liz had held him prisoner after shooting him, even if they didn't know details. He wasn't entirely sure if this doctor knew or not, but if he were to wager a guess he thought that perhaps she did and was pushing him to speak about it and the events that followed. To what end though, he wasn't sure. He knew that any sane man would have run from what Liz had done, and he had tried, all the way to Germany, but as soon as she had needed him he had come back. His world revolved around her. It wasn't that he couldn't live without Elizabeth Keen, it was just that he didn't want to.

A small laugh pulled him from his thoughts. "Get lost in there?"

Jacob blinked. "Yeah, I guess Liz has that effect on me. Listen, I don't know if you know what we've been through, and honestly it's none of your business. I've been willing, on more than one occasion, to give everything up for that woman. I love her. I don't have a nice, neat explanation for it. It's not like I have a lot of prior experience. I should be getting my medical clearance tomorrow, so I'd really like to just get to work when that happens. Ressler wants to make sure I'm not going to lose it and screw up? Fine. This is now my job. Why don't you take a trip down to lockup and ask Bud about my track record. There's not much I put above it."

"Just Liz?" she asked softly.

"That about sums it up. if you're worried about loyalties, I think I've pretty well proven that they lie with her."

Dr Freedman set her pad of paper down in her lap and looked directly at Jacob. "I believe you."

Blue eyes blinked, a little startled. "Does that mean you're signing off on my release?"

Her lips thinned out a little and she caught his gaze and held it. "Conditionally," she answered he never liked the sound of that.

* * *

The day had been long and the last thing Elizabeth Keen wanted to do was relive it on paper, but what didn't get done that evening would be waiting for her first thing in the morning. Her own paperwork load had been increased since coming back, as she not only had to deliver a copy to Ressler, but also for Freedman's evaluation to ensure that she wasn't going to break under stress. She felt exposed with it, like her every step was being studied in detail. As much as she hated it, she might as well get at least part of it done while she waited for Jacob to finish up what they both hoped was his last session that would allow Dr Freedman to sign off on his evaluation.

By the time the door to the office opened she was too deep in writing out what had happened to notice.

"This is an exceedingly bad idea, Lizzy."

Liz looked up, startled, but it wasn't her ex husband or even Ressler that stood in front of her desk. Reddington had been strangely scarce since the Cabal had been taken down and the Major arrested. He had briefly called and explained that he had a few loose ends to tie up before he returned, but he would be in touch by the time Liz was reinstated. Well, she and been reinstated and he hadn't shown. Not until today, but now he he stood in her office like he owned the whole damn black site, and he looked very put out. Apparently someone had told him that Jacob had taken the offer.

"Psychological evaluations are part of the agreement to keep me on active duty. The paperwork is a necessity, Red," Liz answered, purposefully ignoring the subject that she knew he was referring to.

"Lizzy," Reddington answered, her name leaving his lips in a way that told her he wasn't fooled.

She shot him an innocent look anyway. "Yes?"

"I understand if you feel that you...owe Tom something, after recent events," he said, Liz's ex husband's name causing him to sneer, "but this is a bit much. You can't possibly think you can trust him here. In the Post Office? On the task force? Really, Lizzy."

"First, his name is Jacob."

"I'm not calling him that," Reddington answered and Liz wondered if he knew how childish he sounded at that moment.

"Two, I didn't make the call. It came down from Raven Wright. Maybe higher."

"And you trust it?"

"No," Liz admitted. "They're bullying him into taking it. He either took the position or he kept running."

Reddington snorted. "You and I both know that he wouldn't bother with it unless he thought he still had a chance with you." He paused, his expression shifting to a level of shock that was almost comical. "Elizabeth, please tell me that you-"

Liz sighed, closing her file and standing. "Red, I know you don't like him, but you didn't like Ressler either when you started working with us."

"Tom and Donald are two very different people. One has been there for you in support and the other spent the better part of three years or more lying to you."

"I really don't think you have any room to talk to me about Jacob's lies," she grumbled, shooting him a pointed look.

"And I still don't think our residential boy scout is as squeaky clean as he'd like us to think."

Liz barely managed to keep the cringe from her face as Jacob appeared at the door and drew attention to himself. Now, of course, he had wandered in at the worst possible moment.

Red sighed. "This will end badly."

"Don't be so dramatic, Reddington."

"Elizabeth-"

"No. Stop right there. I will _not_ be the middleman between the two of you. Red, Jacob is joining the team. Jacob, don't stir up trouble with Red."

Her ex blinked innocent at her and she rolled her eyes. "Red, if you have a case for us, you'll need to talk to Ressler. Tomorrow, if it can wait. I think he's already gone home and I'm about to be out the door as soon as I finish this."

She watched the expression on his face shift as he started to say something, evaluated the situation, and then chose not to. "Be careful, Lizzy," he said quietly and turned. He brushed past Jacob without another word to him and Liz couldn't help but get the feeling that he would be Red's new Ressler, and that he would do everything he could to pointedly ignore and irritate him. The problem was that Jacob was much more likely to break Red's nose than Ressler was.

"This'll be fun," her ex chuckled as he leaned against her desk.

"We knew Reddington wouldn't be happy. Please don't make it worse than it already is."

"I'm not trying to-"

"Yes you are. You're goading him. Don't."

Jacob ducked his head a little. "Sorry."

"Yeah?" she asked, her voice a little lighter. "Sorry enough to go with me tonight to try that little Thai place?"

"What little Thai place?"

"The one we never made it to."

He blinked, understanding setting into his gaze. "The one right down the street from our old place?" A grin spread across his face as she nodded. "I think I can manage that."

"Good, because I've been living off of TV dinners for the last couple of days I've been getting in so late. I want real food."

There were moments - more as time went on, she realized - when she saw how much he really was like Tom in many ways. That smile that he gave her where it reached his eyes, creasing the skin at the corners it was so wide, was one of her favourites. He saved it for her, she knew, and that made it all the more special.

"How'd the session go?"

"She pried, I gave her enough."

"That's progress for you," Liz laughed. "So?"

A glint of mischief flickered through his eyes. "So?"

"Did she clear you?"

He sighed, digging a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and handing it over. Liz unfolded it, skimming the words. He had been cleared, on the condition that he continued to come back for regular sessions. He would hate it, she knew, and she tried to keep her voice soft as she handed it back. "This might be good for you."

"Irritating is the word that comes to mind."

"I'm sure it does, but we do what we have to, right?" She waited for him to nod before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to his scruffy cheek. "Give me a couple minutes to get this stuff sorted and I'll meet you at the elevator."

"See you there," he said and his grin continued all the way out the door.

Liz heaved a sigh, glaring at the file on her desk and Red's words bouncing around in her head. They had known he wouldn't be happy, but he would learn to live with it. He had once told her that he could understand a man willing to burn the world to protect the person he cared about, and Liz thought with time he might be able to accept that Jacob was that kind of man. She had seen it and she believed in him. It would take the others time to see it as well.

* * *

Jacob moved towards the elevator, his mood considerably improved from where it had been earlier. It was slightly soured a little, though, as he spotted Reddington waiting for him at the lift. He frowned.

"Tom, I expect this will be one of the rare times I will actually be bothered with speaking to you, but I wanted to make something abundantly clear, as you seem to pick and choose what you wish to hear."

Jacob clenched his jaw irritably. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Of course you aren't," the Concierge of Crime answered with cheerful sarcasm. "Elizabeth Keen is still under my protection. For some unfathomable reason, she is still in love with you and she has chosen to keep you close," Reddington looked as if the words tasted bad coming out and Jacob couldn't help but to feel a little satisfied. "As I said when you showed up in Salzburg, your existence depends on her whim. Though, so that we are clear: _when_ you harm Elizabeth, be it in _any_ way, I will make sure you're dead this time. Do you understand me?"

"I'm not going to hurt her," Jacob growled.

"I'm sure that's what you've convinced yourself of, Tom."

"You do know that my name is Jacob, don't you?"

"I don't care." His gaze shifted behind Jacob. "Lizzy, I was hoping you would be leaving shortly. There's this little place that just opened that reminds me of the one we ate at in Rome. Do you remember the little hole in the wall-"

"Next time, Red," Liz answered as she moved towards Jacob. "This man owes me dinner."

Jacob watched the older man nod. "Next time," he agreed. "Be careful, Lizzy."

"At least this time I know what I'm getting into," she answered with a smile and slipped her hand into his. Jacob couldn't stop the smile that took over.

Reddington didn't join them in the lift and Jacob didn't let go of her hand. "Thank you."

"For what? We had plans."

"We've had plans before," he said softly, risking a glance at her. The subject had been a rough one when they had been married.

Liz cringed. "There are going to be plenty of times once we're both in the field that we're working against the clock and plans will have to get canceled."

"Better take advantage of the quiet while we can," Jacob answered, a smile playing on his lips. "Love you."

"You too," Liz answered and squeezed his hand. It wasn't going to be perfect. Jacob wasn't fool enough to think that it would be, but they could build up something between them again. Liz was willing to try, and without the lies weighing them down, Jacob thought that they at least had a chance at that. If he had even that chance, he was willing to put up with most any conditions that the FBI set for him, even if that included playing nice with Raymond Reddington.

* * *

Notes: I received a couple of requests for Jacob's time with the psychiatrist, so here we go. Let me tell you, he fought me the whole way.


	3. Trust

**Trust**

Liz had been somewhat surprised at how easily he had fit in, though she had to wonder how much of it was an act. Jacob had gone through extensive training to blend in with whatever surroundings he found himself in, and she had noticed enough small differences between Tom and Jacob to know that the ease in which Tom handled their crowd of friends - a trait she had always envied him for - was an act. Jacob, if given the choice, preferred small groups or no one at all with the exception of Liz. He fell into a part that he needed to play around crowds, and she didn't think that was a habit he would ever be able to break, but she did know how exhausting it could be, evened for a trained professional. Even for someone that had done it most of his life.

He seemed to get along well enough with most of the task force though, and she seemed to be genuinely warming to them slowly but surely. It helped that they had already gone through so much together when they had rescued Liz, and she thought it had helped to build trust between them. Well, most of them.

"Where is your ex? I don't trust him when I can't see him," Ressler grumbled over her shoulder.

Liz looked up from her file she had been pouring over and glanced around. Jacob had been given her old desk in the office, but he often wandered off to find other nooks and crannies to tuck himself away in to focus. Ressler had given him a list of reading material to study for regulations and procedures, and was determined that he get everything down before being allowed out on assignment. While Jacob had been reading and retaining the information faster than Liz thought possible - she had always known he was bright, but the more she learned about him the more she was certain that he had purposefully downplayed his intelligence at times - he was growing stir crazy. His injuries were mostly healed, the doctor had cleared him for field work, he had passed all of his psych evals, and now was just waiting on Ressler to sign off on him. Which he wouldn't do until the older man had been convinced Jacob had an understanding of procedure.

"Last I saw he was tucked away in the break room with that monstrosity of a manual you have him reading," Liz offered.

"Well he's not there. I just looked," Ressler huffed.

Liz set the file down and stretched, glancing at the clock. They were still wrapping up a few loose ends to the Cabal and the Major situations, but otherwise Red hadn't delivered them any pressing cases.

"If you're so nervous about him wandering around, maybe you should put a tracking anklet on him," she said as she stood, the words never meant to be taken seriously.

"It's not a bad idea..."

"Stop," Liz cut him off before he could run with it. "Jacob already feels caged in here. Putting a leash on him isn't going to do anything but build more hostility between you two."

"Is that your professional opinion, Keen?" Ressler asked with a hint of amusement just beneath the frustration.

She smirked. "You know I'm too close to that situation to give you that, but it doesn't make it untrue."

That finally pulled something like a chuckle from him. "Good to finally hear you admit that. Any idea where he might be hiding away?"

The tap on the open door drew both of their attentions as Samar leaned in. "Either of you seen Aram?"

Liz and Ressler's gazes met and Samar gave them a confused look as they started for the bullpen. Aram, just like she had indicated, was nowhere to be seen, and Liz dug her phone out of her pocket.

"I've already called him. He left his phone in his desk," Samar offered.

"I'm not calling Aram." Liz head the phone ring once, twice, and then a third time before her ex husband's voice met her ears. "Hey, where are you?"

"Taking a break before my head explodes," came the answer from the other end.

"Is Aram with you?"

There was a pause and Liz glanced over at Ressler. "Yeah, did you need him?"

"Samar does." She could hear a faint noise in the background, but couldn't quite place it. "What are you two doing?"

"Nothing really. I'll let him know."

"You know that sounds really suspicious, right?"

"Hmm?" her ex asked, the false innocence enough to make her roll her eyes.

"Ressler was looking for you too."

"Be back in a sec," he promised and the line went dead.

Ressler turned a look on her that she didn't like. "I swear, Keen, if he-"

"He's in the Post Office. The amount of trouble he can get into in here is actually pretty limited."

Her former partner snorted. "You aren't giving him enough credit."

Liz sighed. "Let me know when you get done putting him through the wringer?"

He nodded and started towards the man in question as Jacob came into sight. Liz watched for a moment out the window was Jacob stiffened very slightly at whatever Ressler was saying. Where Liz and the newly appointed assistant director could understand even the things the other was not saying, Jacob and Ressler had zero communication skills between them. Ressler jumped to the worst conclusion and Jacob shut down, refusing to budge from behind his protective wall of indifference. It drove Ressler mad and made Jacob more stubborn. As Liz watched what was becoming very typical between them unfold she heaved a sigh. Something had to give there or Ressler was never going to clear him for field duty because he didn't think he could trust him. Jacob certainly wasn't doing anything to counter that opinion.

The conversation ended with both sides glaring and Jacob stalked over to the office and shut the door behind him. Liz remained seated, facing him, and he loosed a frustrated breath. "Someone needs to get than man a beer and a day off. If he-"

"You get that you work for him now, right?" Liz asked and her ex sank into the chair across from her.

"Are you going to lecture me too?"

"Don't snap at me, Jacob. This isn't my fault. You withhold information from him not because you need to, but I think you like getting a rise out of him." He glared a little at her and she knew she'd hit the nail on the head, if he'd realized it before or not. "Where were you guys?"

"Taking a break. Is that not allowed?"

Liz resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He was on the defensive and she needed to let him know that she wasn't the enemy here. If she could find out, she might be able to smooth over at least the most recent rift. "Jacob, I need you to trust me, babe," she murmured and his shoulders sagged.

Suddenly he stood, motioning for her to follow. He didn't speak as she did, but instead led her back through some of the less-traveled hallways, past the break area and the workout room and finally he pushed open a door that looked like an oversized storage closet. Liz blinked as he switched the light on and nearly burst out laughing.

"I've been finding new places to read up on Ressler's manuals. I have a pretty good memory, but I can only retain so much when he keeps bugging me," Jacob began to explain. "About a week ago I was in the break room and noticed Aram walk by several times. I thought the only thing back there was the gym, but he wasn't exact dressed for it, so-"

"You got curious," Liz murmured, amusement lacing her voice.

Her ex nodded. "Apparently Aram is a gamer. He had all this set up and we started talking about it. I got him a few things to add and we've been putting it together."

Liz found herself laughing at the absurdly innocent disappearing act. "You're such a kid sometimes,"

He shrugged, a small smile of his own tilting his lips. "Yeah, well, we're going to work on his shooting skills."

"Nerds. Both of you," she laughed, reaching out and her fingers ghosted across his arm until he snagged her hand in his.

"Not everything I do is terrible, Lizzy," he murmured softly, his gaze a little more open than it was before.

"I know," she breathed, her fingers lacing with his. "And Ress knows that too. It's just... It'll take time. And honesty. You're not doing yourself any favours by clamping down of silly things."

"Aram wanted to keep it quiet."

"And that's sweet of you to do that for him, but not at the expense of the trust you need to build between you and Ressler. And," she looked up at him, feeling his grip tighten on her hand just a little - "you can't tell me that your stubbornness is entirely because of that." Jacob tried to pull away, but Liz held on tight. "We're all on the same team now. You both have to at least try to work together."

"I can't trust a man who is constantly looking for something he can use to get rid of me."

"Is that what you think he's doing?" Liz asked, genuinely surprised at the soft confession.

He blinked at her. "You can't tell me he doesn't want me gone."

Liz sighed, her free hand going to his face and Jacob leaned into her touch. "You're here now, even if neither of you like it. You've got to make the best of it. It takes time and effort to earn Ressler's trust. Don't you remember when I started?"

"You came home complaining about it every night," he admitted softly.

"It just takes him time, just like it does for you," she said with a pointed look.

Jacob ducked his head a little and she knew she was getting through to him. If he could change his attitude about the situation, she thought Ressler would have a better chance to come around quickly. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," she said cheerfully as she tipped up on her toes to steal a quick kiss. "Love you."

He grinned at her, the smile finally reaching his eyes. "You too."

It would take time, but this could work. She needed it to work, because the option of giving one or the other up left her more terrified than Liz would ever admit. She needed her life to come together like this, and she thought it was supposed to. After everything, it had to.

* * *

Notes: If anyone has any requests for one-shots they would like to see in this collection, let me know!


	4. Secrets

**Secrets**

It had been a long day and one that had kept him cooped up in the Post Office like a prisoner. Ressler was yet to sign whatever the hell he needed to sign to allow Jacob into the field, so the former operative was stuck on desk duty and it was close to driving him up the wall.

He had slipped away to let off some steam in the workout room, finding it surprisingly well put together. He had just gotten his hands wrapped and was about ready to go after the heavy bag for a few minutes when the door opened and his solitude was infringed on by a certain fair haired assistant director. Jacob set his jaw and focused his frustration into the first blow.

"We need to have a chat," Ressler said as he came closer.

Jacob's gaze flickered over and he landed another blow to bag. "Now? Seriously? We couldn't have chatted in the _hours_ I've had nothing useful to do?"

"You should be going through the manuals I gave you."

"I did. Twice," Jacob snapped, swinging around so that his shin slammed hard into the bag, sending it swinging.

Ressler snorted. "I'm not here to discuss that. I'm here to discuss this."

The bag swung back around and Jacob caught it before turning to look at the file Ressler was waving in the air. He squinted at it a moment before reaching over to grab his glasses off of the table. When he turned back, a chill swept through him. "Where did you get that?"

"Look familiar?" Ressler asked smugly. "I know you buried it-"

"Bud destroyed it," Jacob managed, so surprised by the sight of _any_ records linked to his real name that the words tumbled out. "That's what he said. The bastard must have-"

"I don't care. What I do care about is what's inside."

Jacob blinked at him. "I know some of it, but I don't know all of it." He didn't want to, either. There were things he had purposefully avoided finding out over the years. Namely the outcome of the incident that had sent him running. Just over two years in the Douglas household had sent him to his brink. He didn't waste a lot of time and energy on outright hate - with a couple of exceptions - but Anthony Douglas had brought that out in him. Arrogant and prone to violent rages when drunk, it was a wonder how they had remained actively 'fostering' children at all. Other homes had set him running before that one, but the Douglas household had been the personal hell that had put him on the path that had led him to Bud. It had been the one that had made the offer seem so appealing.

"Because you don't know what made it in or not?" Ressler asked irritably.

The younger man snorted and focused on landing precise punches against the bag, not looking at Ressler as he spoke. "I thought my coming to work for the FBI cleared my record. Isn't that what you said when I signed your damn papers?"

Jacob didn't miss the very subtle wince at a particularly hard hit as if it were obvious that the other man had hit a nerve, but then the assistant director only glared harder, refusing to be deterred. "You get that we're a team here, don't you? We have to be able to _trust_ each other and right now I don't trust you to help protect my team. Liz seems to think that your complete disregard for life-"

"I don't have a complete disregard for life," Jacob snapped. "I do what I have to to get the job done."

"- stems from your time with McCready," Ressler finished as if Jacob hadn't cut in. He held up the file again. "This proves that it started earlier. Does she know?"

"Know what?" Jacob growled and it was taking a certain amount of effort not to turn one of his punches over on Ressler. The smug bastard didn't have any idea what he was talking about, even if he thought he had the full story detailed out for him.

"Help me here, Phelps, because this thing says that a family took you in, was raising you as their own - the longest stint you stayed anywhere since you were about three years old, from the looks of it - and you repaid them by breaking the husband's neck, stealing their stuff, and taking off. Tell me, how am I supposed to trust someone that-"

The bag went swinging so hard that it nearly came back around and hit Ressler. Jacob's breathing was uneven and his mask that he had been struggling to keep in place since Ressler strode in with that file was shattering. "Is he dead?"

That seemed to catch the shorter man off guard a little. "You didn't even stop to check?"

A mirthless, thin smile stretched Jacob's mouth. "Yeah, because they were going to stop long enough to listen to my side of the story of what he was. Sure. I did what I had to. I stole his car and his credit cards and I ran. Is he dead?"

"Yes."

A strange sort of relief washed through him. "Good."

"Listen, pal, I don't know what part of ending an innocent man's life you think is good, but-"

"What does it say in there?" He reached out, snatching the file and glancing over it. "Typical. Because he was a complete saint."

"What do you mean?"

"I was one of three kids they kept. The oldest was a girl that in the two years I was there I never heard say one word. Not a peep, so I don't know what the asshole did to her. He seemed to like the other boy, but he hated me."

"Not that you _ever_ give anyone a reason to dislike you," Ressler grumbled.

"I only went to the doctor when he broke my arm, but Bud said the doctors found hairline fractures in my wrist and half a dozen other injuries from my two years there." He watched what he was saying sink in and Ressler's expression darkened slowly. "If you don't believe me, go talk to the medical department here. They should be able to tell you how old some of my injuries are, right?"

" _Did_ you kill him?" Ressler asked, the accusations put aside at least for the moment.

"He was drunk and and I gave him a helpful shove down the stairs instead of letting him throw me down them." He hadn't told the details of the story to anyone, not even Bud or Gina. The closest he had come was Liz, but even with her he had glossed over details. At fourteen he had gone from a delinquent teen to a murderer. He had known how it would look, and the fact that Douglas would have killed him that night didn't matter to people who believed the incredibly good BS that the man spun. "And no," Jacob murmured at last, "Liz doesn't know all the details. I don't talk about it."

"So you're keeping it from her?"

"It's not like I go prying into the night of the fire with her. There are some things better left in the past. My time at the Douglas household is one of them."

Ressler watched him for a moment, studying him, and Jacob loosed a long breath. He was tired of waiting and it was looking more and more like Ressler simply wasn't going to put him on the job that he said he would. "You know, if you're just going to leave me in limbo, tell me now. I'm useless where you have me,"

"You're right. You are." The admission was a bit of a surprise, but so was the fact that Ressler's own façade seemed to thin out a little and Jacob saw one of the rare glimpses of the man that Liz considered her best friend. "I'm going to follow up with medical, but... I'm hoping you're telling me the truth. If you are, you'll have your first assignment in the morning."

"So what? This was some sort of test?"

"It wasn't supposed to be when I came in here," Ressler admitted, reaching for the file.

Jacob leaned back against the table, watching the older man carefully.

"I have a pretty good BS meter. Everyone has tells, even you." Two shades of blue eyes met and Jacob felt uncomfortable as the other man continued to speak. "I didn't expect you to be honest about this."

"It's better than sitting around in this little prison you've set up for me," Jacob huffed.

Ressler shook his head and chuckled. "I'll have your answer by tomorrow morning."

Jacob watched him leave and frowned, not quite sure how he felt about the fact that Donald Ressler was the one person besides him who now knew the details of that night.

* * *

"So, you didn't hear this from me," Liz said as she wrapped her arms around his middle from behind. He had heard her come in, but was already in the middle of cooking. She had a key. Hell, she had had a key to his place pretty quickly after he had moved in.

"Yeah?" he prompted, stirring the chicken and veggies together. "What's that?"

Liz tightened her grip. "I think your attempts have paid off. You're getting put on assignment with the rest of us tomorrow. Ressler signed the paperwork tonight before I left."

"He'd said he might," Jacob answered noncommittally. He'd done enough thinking on the subject of Anthony Douglas that day. The man was dead and he didn't want to ever think about him again.

"What did you do to change his mind? He wouldn't tell me, but it almost sounded like he might be starting to trust you."

Liz's excitement contrasted with Jacob's increasingly souring mood. He turned the heat down, put the lid over the cooker, and turned around in her arms. Her grin faded at the expression on his face. "What is it?"

"I was honest with him about something he brought up."

"What?"

"He found my juvie file."

"Okay?" Jacob pulled in a deep breath and Liz tightened her hold. "You can tell me anything."

"I know."

"Will you?"

She didn't know what she was asking. He didn't know if that would make a difference or not in her wanting to know, but slowly he repeated the story. She listened as he spoke, her gaze never leaving his as they stood in his kitchen and he divulged a secret twice told that day. When he was done she leaned forward, resting her head against his chest with her arms still around him. "I love you," she reminded him softly.

Jacob swallowed hard and kissed the top of her head. "Love you too."

"I think... my perspective has changed a lot in the last year. I think maybe Ressler's has too."

"I half expected him to go back on his deal and arrest me for murder."

"Ress stands by his word, but he expects other people to do the same. You gained points today, babe. It's hard to do with him in the beginning."

"You telling me not to screw this up?"

Liz rolled her eyes, pulling him down into a kiss. "No matter how much you complain, I think you want to be here. I think you'll do really well in it."

Jacob shrugged. "It's a job and it keeps me close to you."

"Mhmm," she laughed and he was pretty sure she didn't believe that was all there was to it. That was fine. If it made her feel better to think that he wanted to be there because they were doing so much good - or whatever the task force told themselves - then that was fine. Jacob knew there was enough true evil in the world that they couldn't make a dent in it if they devoted every last breath to it. The fact was that that had never bothered him like it did her. He didn't mind if she believed it, though, because then maybe, given time, he might too.


	5. Hesitation

**Hesitation**

"Well you clean up nicely."

Jacob turned and found himself staring. He hadn't heard Liz slip in, which was a wonder with the heels she was wearing. The smile she was wearing only grew with his silence, his blue gaze sweeping over the simple black dress and the way her hair was piled up with only wisps escaping. "Wow," he managed, take my a step forward.

Liz's smile reached all the way to her eyes as she met him halfway. "You going to be able to focus on the job, babe?" she teased.

"Yeah. Yes, of course," he managed, clearing his throat and purposefully pulling himself out of his daze.

She was still grinning at him, and damn it if she didn't know exactly how to keep him stammering. His ex wife stepped forward, a mischievous glint in her eye as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Jacob melted into it, his hands going to her hair and she probably could have asked him for anything and he would have willingly given it. Instead, she pulled back, laughing as he followed, and leaned up to kiss the tip of his nose. "I don't think I believe you."

"Totally your fault," he chuckled, finally steadying himself. They had both been running like mad for this case, and a week into it he'd barely seen her. If he wasn't tracking down contacts on the streets then she was bent over a file at her desk long after everyone else had gone home. She had warned him once they were both in the field he would understand, and he did. If he would admit it or not, he was also starting to understand all of those canceled dinners. The job was demanding.

"This could turn into a big case," Liz said seriously. "Ressler's watching you close on it-"

"So don't screw it up?" Jacob chuckled and received a swat to the arm for his efforts.

"I know you won't," she answered softly. "You keep telling me how good at your job you are."

He smirked and caught her hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss against her knuckles. "Something's bothering you."

His ex sighed. "This guy handled a lot of Bud's forging work?"

"Passports and documents. Not all of it, but yeah, he'll be a big catch."

"What if he knows you left?"

Jacob shrugged. "He probably does, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go to him. Business is business. If I have the money for the job, he's not going to get in the middle of Bud's and mine. He doesn't know I'm working with the feds."

"And you don't have any problem taking down a guy that trusts you?"

There was a little hesitation in her voice and he tilted his head. "Isn't that what we're banking on? If everything goes down right, he won't have a clue it was me." He reached out, fingers ghosting across her face and she leaned into his touch, her eyes never leaving his. She was looking for something, and he offered a smile. "It's just business, Lizzy. Why are you worried?"

"I guess I'm just nervous. This is the first time we've tossed you out into the field like this and-"

"And you don't want me to screw it up," he laughed.

"I just know how much can go wrong, and we _need_ this guy. Even if things go south and it's not your fault-"

She wasn't worried about him screwing up, she was worried he'd take the blame. It was sweet, even if unnecessary. "I can handle your buddy Ressler," Jacob answered. "Anyway, I have the best back up around. We're going to get him."

Liz's studying gaze eased just a little and she squeezed his hand that was still holding hers. "And after, I think you and I may have earned a nice quiet night in."

Jacob grinned, the smile real. "Yeah?"

"Just you, me, Hudson, and a movie?"

"That sounds just about perfect," he agreed and let go of her hand long enough to shrug his coat on over his shoulders. She looped her arm through his as they started down the hall of the hotel for one final briefing before they went after a man that could, potentially, give them the names of dozens of people looking to become someone else for less than honest reasons. It was a big case, Jacob knew, and it was one that was about to prove his worth to the task force.

* * *

She had only seen Jacob in action a couple of times, if she didn't count the time they had been together when he had been _technically_ working for one employer or the other. They were after a blacklister that Reddington had brought forward by the name of Dale Townsend. On paper he owned a bar in New York City and ran it legitimately, but Red had painted a picture of much more sinister business underneath. Townsend ran a forgery business, using his bar to easily meet with clients. Jacob had confirmed that the Major had been a client of Townsend's for years and the forger had even taught a class or two about his art at the school over the years. The fact that it put Jacob in the perfect position to reach out to him was one of the few things that Ressler and he agreed on. Liz had her own reservations, but she had to remind herself that this was the kind of thing her ex husband had spent a great deal of his life doing. It was a quick undercover assignment, if it could even be considered that, and they would have him. Quick, quiet, and without drawing attention. It was the best way to flip him.

The bar was upscale, but not to the point that she was underdressed. Jacob ordered them both drinks and made scanned the crowd casually. If he spotted their man, she couldn't tell. "Relax," he murmured softly.

"I am."

"No you're not."

"Jacob Phelps. I haven't seen you in... Seven, eight years?"

Jacob turned, wearing an easy smile. "Dale. Good to see you. I wasn't sure you got my message."

"I have to admit I was surprised to get it," the other man answered. He was tall and lanky, blond and wore a calculating look. "There have been some rumours flying around about you. Have to admit I was surprised by some of them." His green gaze flickered over to Liz. "Looks like at least one of them was true. Your face has been all over the television, sweetheart."

"You see why I can't handle the situation myself," Jacob answered, his voice bordering on tight. He was watching Townsend carefully.

"You pick up a cop that kills a politician. I thought Bill raised you smarter than that."

"Listen, Dale, if the situation is too hot for you-"

"I never said that. I know you, Phelps. You're good. I just have to charge you more for all the trouble, and she's going to need a good dye job at the very least."

Liz resisted the urge to reach up to her dark hair. It had been dyed when she was on the run, but she had returned it to its natural colour as soon as she had come home. It felt right. It felt like her.

"Fair," Jacob said, his voice pulling her attention over. "How much?"

Townsend's gaze drifted out around the room before reaching into his coat pocket, plucking a folded piece of paper from it, and handing it over. Jacob scanned it and shrugged. "I thought you'd ask for more."

"You're in a tough spot, kid. What are friends for?"

That pulled a chuckle out of him. "Friends is not a label is put on us, Dale."

It seemed to be an old joke between them because Townsend laughed outright. "True. Well, at least she's easy on the eyes, huh? Hope she's worth all of this."

"What's one more alias?"

"For you, nothing. Good luck, sweetheart. This guy can pick them up and drop them faster than you can blink."

"He has a talent," Liz said, glancing up at Jacob. His expression didn't change, but his gaze followed Townsend's and her ex frowned when they were both staring at one of the undercover agents that had come in as backup. He'd moved in too soon and had drawn Townsend's attention.

"That's not a good sign," Jacob grumbled. "Unless you've changed your crowd."

"I swear, Phelps, if they followed your girl here-"

"You think I wouldn't have noticed?"

Townsend looked torn for just a moment. "Out the back."

Liz risked a glance up at Jacob. He had a better feel for the situation than she did. He knew the man. It was time to put that trust in him that she kept telling him that she had.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to follow. There was something strange his grip that she couldn't quite place, but it was enough to put her on alert. As they followed Townsend out the back door and into an alley, he turned, gun trained on them.

Jacob immediately stepped just a little in front of Liz and she resisted the urge to remind him that they were a team on this. She didn't need saving. "What the hell, Dale?"

"You think I'm stupid, Phelps? McCready takes a nose dive after you leave his organisation and you don't think that some of us see it for what it is?"

"And what's that, exactly?"

"You made you and your cop girlfriend a sweet deal. Hands where I can see see them, Phelps."

Liz realized very suddenly that Jacob was positioned so that she could reach for his weapon that was tucked in the back of his jeans, as long as it was done done discretely. Maybe they worked better together than she had given him credit for. She pulled her gun as Townsend stepped forward, and the forger froze where he was, startled, and having clearly underestimated her. "Drop it," she ordered, motioning to Townsend's own weapon.

There was something strange in his eyes with the way he was studying her, and a slow smile curled his lips. "No."

She saw the movement, almost in slow motion. Everything about the man said he was about to shoot, and while her training screamed at Liz to pull the trigger, she didn't. She couldn't. Something inside locked up.

Jacob moved faster than she could follow. One hand snapped the gun in Townsend's grip up, the shot going high, and the other came down hard on the man's wrist, wrenching the weapon away. In one swift motion he slammed the gun against Townsend's temple and sent him crumbling to the ground. He turned to look at her. "What happened?" he asked, worry lacing his voice, but she didn't get a chance to answer as several agents rounded the corner, Ressler leading them with his gun drawn.

Liz's former partner scanned the scene and holstered his weapon. "You two okay?"

"No thanks to your guy inside," Jacob snapped. "There was a reason I said to keep it to a minimum. Townsend saw your agent in there a mile away."

"You guys got out of it," Ressler said, wincing as he looked at the unconscious forger. "And he's going to have one hell of a headache."

"Better that than one of us dead," Liz said, handing Jacob his weapon back.

"True. Good work, Keen." He paused, purposefully ignoring the light glare she shot his way. "And Phelps."

"That was painful, wasn't it?" Jacob asked with a smirk and Liz popped him for it. His smirk only turned into a grin.

"Okay, let's wrap things up here," Ressler grumbled, ignoring him altogether.

Jacob's smile faded, though, and he turned a serious look on Liz that made her want to squirm. He waited until the other agents were out of earshot before speaking quietly to her. "You had the shot. Why didn't you take it?"

Liz pursed her lips together. "We needed him alive. Anyway, you had it under control."

"While I'd love to think that that was just the faith you have in me," Jacob murmured, his expression telling her very clearly that that _wasn't_ what he thought it was, "the truth is that you froze, babe. Why?"

She swallowed hard and her gaze drifted to her shoes. "I don't know," she admitted softly. "I just... Couldn't pull the trigger."

"I've seen you at the shooting range."

"That's paper. it doesn't have... lasting consequences." Her voice was tiny even to her own ears. She had been cleared through the psych evals to get back into the field. If Ressler caught even a hint that she had hesitated and connected it with everything that had happened, she'd be right back in therapy for it. She wanted things to go back to normal more than anything, or at least the new version of normal.

Suddenly strong arms were around her and she felt her ex husband press a kiss to the side of her head. "It's going to get better, Lizzy," he murmured.

"Have you..." She pulled back, looking him in the eyes. "Have you ever hesitated after killing someone?"

"No," he answered honestly. "Not like what you're talking about, but you're a better person than I am."

Liz gave a mirthless laugh. "I don't know about that."

"I do."

There was no pause, no hesitation in his answer and Liz wrapped her arms around him again. "You know, we don't _have_ to go back to DC tonight. I bet we could catch the first flight back in the morning."

"What? Spend the night here? Dinner and a hotel?"

"I bet Aram would be sweet enough to go let Hudson out."

Jacob grinned at her and kissed her. His faith in her staggered her sometimes. After everything that had happened, everything that he had witnessed that she was capable of, his faith in her made her want to prove him right. She only hoped that he knew that he had hers in return. He was a better man than he gave himself credit for, he just hadn't been given the opportunity to prove that to anyone but her yet. He would, though, and they could do this. As a team, she was sure they could.

* * *

Notes: I have trouble with the healing rates on this show. When it first started, I thought they were actually going to pay attention to that. Tom took several episodes to slowly and progressively get better from his injury, and even Ressler's leg could be seen as having steps (with the cane and such), but when it kind of went out the window in some spots. Liz's mental heath is one of them. This woman has been through a lot and while she's strong, she always seems to be alone in her home after everything goes down, like no one thought 'maybe this as affected her...' Memories were ripped from her subconscious? Kudos to Ressler for getting her out, but then I really hope that he offered to take her home and she booted him out or something, or else he failed in his partner/best friend duties. Anyway, I'll be interested to see if the way she killed Connolly (the fact that she flash back to supposedly killing her own father) has any lasting repercussions on her. Honestly, I could see them not cropping up until she was back with the task force. While she's on the run, she's out of her norm, but back with the task force, back in the construct of rules and regulations, every shot means something even more than just life or death. Because she doesn't want to have her world ripped apart again, I could see her hesitating. It's just a thought bouncing around in my head.


	6. Drunken Confessions

**Drunken Confessions**

It was supposed to be a night off. For Jacob, that had meant a night in at either his or Liz's place with dinner, a bottle of wine, and time for them, so when he had asked her what she wanted for dinner and she had kissed him and told him that she had a girls' night out planned, Jacob couldn't help but feel a little hurt. She had smiled that smile that said she was up to something and told him that he had plans to, if he knew it or not. Aram had organized a guys' night at the bar and, if Jacob was going to be a part of the team, he needed to learn to get along with them outside of work as well, and no, his little gaming project with Aram didn't count.

So Jacob had made the most of it. He had waited until Ressler had gotten up to go to the bar before ordering the whiskey shots and hadn't let the newly appointed assistant director turn it down when one was set in front of him. It was a night off, and they were going to treat it that way.

Aram, to his credit, lasted through two shots and stopped, mumbling something about laundry or some other fairly thin excuse. Jacob knocked back his third, watching Ressler match him. "I got the impression you weren't much of a drinker," Jacob said, setting the empty glass down.

"I don't have a problem keeping up with you," Ressler answered almost defensively. His voice was solid enough, but Jacob could hear the edges of the words fade out into the earliest sign of the man's limits.

"Yeah? I've developed a pretty good tolerance over the years."

Ressler snorted. "Can't spill all your secrets."

"Damn right," the younger man chuckled, motioning to the waitress. He would have a nice buzz going by the end of it, but he thought he had earned it with having to work with Donald Ressler. He hadn't minded the idea of hanging out with Aram, but maybe all the blond needed was a few drinks to loosen up. Jacob was happy to oblige.

The drinks - not shots this time, but glasses of whisky over ice - were set down and Ressler reached for his. "I have to admit I've been a little impressed," he said, sipping at it. "I thought you'd screw something up before we actually got you in the field. You've actually been pretty helpful so far."

Ressler was further gone than he thought. Jacob made a mental note to get him a cab before he left that evening. Liz would kill him if he got him drunk and then just left him. "Well you didn't hire me to sit around and play desk jockey," he said after a moment of thought.

"I know why you're here, and it's not because you want to work on the right side of the law."

Jacob shrugged. "The side never really mattered a lot to me," he answered.

"But she does."

That caused the younger man to pause. Ressler never broached the subject of Jacob and Liz's relationship. He seemed to prefer to ignore it more than anything, but apparently whiskey opened him up a little. The former operative wasn't sure he was comfortable with that.

"I don't get it, Phelps. You lied to her for... What? Three years?"

"Something like that," Jacob said softly. It was closer to four if they went back to the point that they met, but hey, no need to make the conversation even more uncomfortable.

"Then you two went back and forth like you were in competition to see which one could hurt each other worse-"

"I think it's time for the check," Jacob mumbled, knocking back the rest of his drink and motioning over to the waitress. He handed her his card and turned his attention back to Ressler.

"What the hell brought you back after all of that?"

"She was about to go to prison for something she didn't do."

"And you care that someone takes the fall for you?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. I love the woman. Thank you," he offered as the waitress handed him the check and he signed for it. "Let's call you a cab."

"Look at that. We found a subject Jacob Phelps won't talk about," Ressler chuckled.

"Not with you."

"Why not?"

Jacob bristled. "Because it's none of your business."

Ressler stood, not as steady as Jacob had hoped or even as the man himself seemed to think he would be. He frowned as he balanced himself, glaring at the younger man. "Because you're using her."

"Seriously? After everything?" Jacob snapped, hedging on feeling offended.

"No, probably not," Ressler relented, his voice going flat like it was a truth that he couldn't deny anymore. Jacob loved Liz. He would give anything for her. "That doesn't mean you're good for her."

Jacob pulled his phone out and started dialing in the number for a cab to take the intoxicated assistant director home. "Yeah, and who are you to decide?"

"Someone better."

Jacob stopped, the phone ringing in his ear and he ended the call. "What is with you people?" he growled, the last drink catching up with him and he turned his own glare on the man that was technically his boss. "You and Reddington think you know what's best for Liz. It's _her_ choice."

"You manipulated her the first time."

"Not for that. Not for the way she feels about me. You know what? You're a big boy. Get your own cab."

Jacob was halfway out of the seating area by the time he realized Ressler was in his heals. He started to speed up his pace when the older man reached out, grabbing a fistful of his jacket and Jacob had to stop himself from turning on instinct and breaking his nose. Instead he gave himself a moment to fight through the fog that was threatening his usually very quick mind and turned, levelling a glare that would have sent people scurrying away. Ressler met him with one of his own. Any argument that he was going to make wasn't going to make it through, do instead he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "Let go. I'm going home."

"This conversation isn't over."

"Thrilling, then walk, but you touch me again and I will leave you in a heap on the sidewalk."

Ressler matched his speed surprisingly well, though he stumbled a couple times as he spoke. "What kind of person is capable of doing that anyway? Lying to someone they say they love like that… She trusted you and you went out of you way to keep it from her."

He kept going, but Jacob only heard every few words. It wasn't anything that he didn't know. Hell, it wasn't anything that wasn't whispered throughout the Post Office. Liz had been a topic of the rumours long before they had brought Jacob on, and while he was pretty sure that only the core of the team knew the details of what had really happened between he and Liz, that didn't stop people from talking. Several of them had seen his face when he had been in for questioning for his go-box, and for all he knew his photo might have been plastered on their board during various cases after he left. Ressler wasn't saying anything new, he was just intoxicated enough to say it to Jacob's face. Or back, as the younger man was currently trudging up the set of steps that led to his front door. He spun on Ressler so fast that the man stopped mid sentence. "You done?"

"You haven't even been listening."

"Oh I've heard you. You just seem to be a delusional drunk that thinks I give a damn about what you think about me."

He had his key out and was opening the door when Ressler took the first step up behind him. Jacob pushed it open and risked a glance back before stepping through it. He had planned to simply lock Ressler out and if he got himself arrested for making a scene, that would be his own damn fault. Jacob was going to bed. His mistake was in turning.

Ressler's expression was boiling and it looked like everything he had been holding back since Jacob had come back into the picture had been put on the table and the man in question hadn't responded as Ressler wanted him to. In fact, he'd blown him off. Jacob barely had time to dodge the first punch thrown and Ressler stumbled past him. Instincts kicked in through the buzz and Jacob took hold of the older man's jacket on his way by and directed him into the floor nose first. With a frustrated huff he closed the door behind him. "You actually make contact and you're going to regret it," he growled the warning dangerously.

"You think you're something, don't you?" Ressler snapped as he picked himself up.

"I know what I am. You seem to be the one questioning me right now." His own temper was flaring dangerously, but he forced himself to stay where he was. He wouldn't throw a punch he didn't need to, no matter how much he wanted to. Liz wouldn't have any patience for it, and he had promised her that he would try to at least act professional around the assistant director. Waylaying on him wasn't a great way to do that. Even so, there was no point now at shoving him out the door. It was time to get it all out in the open and _maybe_ they could work together, even if they hated each other more than before. "Go ahead, Ressler. You want to get it off your chest? You think I'm terrible for her? You and everyone else."

"Then maybe you should listen to-"

"You think you know me, don't you?" Jacob cut him off, drawing himself to his full height. "That you have me figured out."

All at once Ressler deflated. "Every time I think I do something new pops up. You... I warned her, and she knows it. You're a killer. A murderer. She deserves better than that."

"What? Like you?"

Ressler blinked at him, his expression startled like he thought no one saw it. He was good at hiding it, Jacob had to admit, but Donald Ressler didn't devote as much time and effort to any of his other teammates' personal lives as he did Liz's. There was something very subtle in it, possibly so much that Liz didn't even know it, but she had always had a blindspot for those closest to her. "I'm not-"

"Save it," Jacob snapped, moving to the kitchen and grabbing two bottles of water. He tossed one to Ressler and wouldn't have admitted the satisfaction he felt when the older man missed it, the alcohol making him clumsy.

"Liz is my _partner_ ," Ressler defended as he leaned to scoop up the bottle and just about toppled over for his efforts. He took a hard seat on the livingroom floor.

"Technically you're her boss now," the younger man pointed out and watched that particular understanding wash over him.

"Hell," the blond breathed. "You're right." If he didn't know better, Jacob thought this might have been the first time Ressler had actually let himself think about it. Great. That was really the last thing he wanted. Now Ressler had the idea in the forefront of his mind. What if he acted on it? "That bothers you, doesn't it?"

Jacob blinked, surprised by the moment of what sounded like clarity from the inebriated man. He found a pair of blue eyes watching him, still more than a little hazy, and he sighed, opening his water and wondering if he should have grabbed something stronger for this. Well, the good news was that it wasn't like Ressler would remember this conversation the next day anyway.

"Why?"

"Because she could do a lot better," Jacob confessed softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He wanted to be with her more than anything, but he knew what he was. He didn't need Ressler to remind him, which he did, even if it was just by standing as a stark reminder of everything Jacob could only pretend to be. He wasn't a good man, he didn't care about some overarching greater good that their team was doing, and he was there not because of his record of excellence, but because the FBI was terrified of letting a weapon like him - because nothing had really changed, if Jacob were honest with himself, he was still just a weapon in a different master's hands - fall into the wrong person's control. Like he was a dog to be kept on a leash. There were times - fewer with Liz with him now, but they were certainly still there - when doubt crept in and he worried that Liz had been lying to herself and that she had somehow convinced herself that he was more Tom than Jacob, and when she realized the truth she would leave again. It didn't help that Ressler was there, a shining example of the type of person Liz _could_ have in her life.

"You really do love her, don't you?"

"I do."

"Then why?"

Jacob moved around, taking a seat on the floor as well. The walk had helped clear his head a little, but the buzz wasn't entirely gone yet. "Because I was doing the best I could in an impossible situation. I couldn't tell her, and when she found out... I was trying to find some balance between protecting her and staying alive to do it. Even now, I'm not sure Liz gets how close she came to being the first one Berlin's people went after."

Ressler was watching him closely. "So you got Meera killed instead."

Jacob watched him, expression blank. "I'll choose Liz over anyone at any time. I haven't lied to you about that."

The older man flinched back very slightly at the icy tone. Finally he shook his head and sighed a little. "It's so much easier to see you as a threat," he admitted softly.

Jacob chuckled mirthlessly. "It be easier if the woman I love didn't like you so well."

Ressler leaned back, stretched out on the floor. "She doesn't see me like she sees you," he said as he did, and Jacob couldn't tell if it was defeat or resignation in his voice.

"Hey," the younger man grumbled sharply, nudging him. "Don't go to sleep on my floor." Ressler didn't respond and Jacob sighed heavily as he stood, managing to rouse him enough to get him to the couch. Well, at least he wasn't on his floor.

The former operative was digging in his closet for a blanket when he heard the sound of a key being put into the lock from the outside and the door opened. He looked up to find Hudson flying through the door, nearly pulling Liz off her feet. His ex wife was still dressed for her night out, but paused at the entry, noticing something was off immediately. "Babe, why is Ressler on your couch?"

"He got drunk and followed me home," Jacob answered as he stood, blanket in hand. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"I was going to surprise you," she told him with a shake of her head. "Did you get him drunk?"

A lie nearly danced off his tongue, but he stopped himself just in time and his ex rolled her eyes, pulling the blanket from him and moving over to the couch. She draped it over at the sleeping man. "You need anything, Ress?"

Ressler mumbled incoherently and turned over in his sleep. Jacob watched Liz make sure he was set, careful and attentive. He couldn't help the spark of jealousy that bubbled up and the conversation that he and Ressler had just had a few minutes before dug at uncertainties that he did his best to ignore on most days.

"Babe, you okay?" Liz asked quietly, suddenly standing in front of him. She reached up, her touch soft and he leaned into it, his eyes drifting closed as he did. Her palm lingered on the side if his face. "What's wrong?"

He forced his eyes open, not letting himself pause in case he talked himself out of it. "You and Ressler.. Were you... Did you ever... How do you see him?"

"Ress?" Liz asked, blinking at him. "He's my friend, my partner. He... Babe, are you drunk too?"

"No," he said a little too quickly and she laughed at him.

"Not entirely sober either though," she teased and tipped up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. "Are you jealous?"

"Should I be?" he asked in a quietly serious voice.

Liz rolled her eyes, a little irritation lacing her voice. "Of Ressler? What the hell have you two been talking about tonight?"

"Nothing. Forget it," Jacob said and turned, starting for his bedroom and just barely dodging Hudson at his feet, happily prancing around.

"Wait," Liz called in a hushed tone so she wouldn't wake Ressler up. She grabbed Jacob's hand and followed him in, closing the door behind them. He turned to look at her and without any warning, she was in his arms, one hand around the back of his neck and pulling him closer into a kiss.

Jacob felt the rush of emotions that Liz couldn't always express in words or even in her everyday actions at times. The love, the rebuilding of trust, everything rushed through the kiss and it deepened, the two of them tumbling back onto his bed and she landed on top of him. The kiss grew more desperate and one of her hands gripped at his jacket that he still wore as if she worried he might slip away. Finally, it broke, and his eyes slid open to find her watching him. "I love you," she told him a little breathlessly. "You know that, don't you?"

Guilt washed through him and Jacob nodded.

She kissed him again, falling off to the side and he rolled to look at her. "Why did you ask that about Ressler?" He broke eye contact and she laced her fingers through his. "Talk to me?"

"It's... I don't know."

"Yes you do," she prompted.

"I guess it's just... You fell in love with Tom and while a lot of me went into that role, he was... better. He was a better man." The words sounded so strange coming from him. He had never cared about what kind of man he was before her, not if he got his job done. That's all that had mattered before Liz.

"I fell in love with _you_ ," she pressed. "And you're better than you give yourself credit for."

"You're biased."

"Maybe, but it's still true. I see it."

Jacob felt a smile tilt his lips and he leaned forward and kissed her. "You staying?" he asked quietly.

"I brought Hudson over didn't I? Pretty sure that means I have no intention of leaving tonight."

"Is that what that means?" he chuckled and kissed her again. She pulled him closer, hands moving to pull his jacket from his shoulders and she tossed it unceremoniously to the floor. He kicked his shoes off and let her pull him into the bed, his shirt being tugged off as he fell and her hushed laugh easing the pain that had weighed on him that evening. He knew that look that she had in her eyes. It was the same way she had looked at him before everything had fallen apart. It was the one she had worn when she had told her husband she loved him.

"I love you, Jacob," she murmured in his ear, his name pulling a smile from him.

"I love you too."

A sudden and happy bark accompanied a sudden jolt to the bed as Hudson joined them. "Really, dude?" Jacob laughed and received slobber across the face for his efforts.

Liz snorted. "Well, some things won't ever change."

Jacob was still smiling as he moved the dog over so that he wasn't in between them and pulled Liz close. Hudson huffed and sprawled across their legs. They didn't fight it, though, and Liz wrapped an arm around him as Jacob pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Night, babe," he mumbled, perfectly content to fall asleep just like that.

Jacob woke the next morning feeling better rested than he had in days. Liz was still curled up with him, one arm wrapped around his middle and her head tucked under his chin. Hudson was still draped across them, snoring softly.

He might have been content to lie there all morning like that if Liz hadn't stirred herself awake, instantly alerting the dog of it, which would in turn mean one of them would need to walk him out to the patch of grass before he peed on the floor.

"Too early," Liz groused as she tightened her grip on him.

"You want to take him out while I start breakfast?"

She groaned, but slowly untangled herself and grabbed grabbed a pair of shorts she kept there from a drawer. "Come on, drool machine," she mumbled and Hudson was already bounding to the bedroom door.

Jacob rolled out of bed and he reached for his discarded t-shirt before padding into the main area. Ressler was still passed out on the couch and Liz had not disturbed him. It wasn't until the bacon was sizzling loudly that the hungover assistant director groaned loudly and Jacob heard him sit up. "I fell asleep on your couch last night?"

"You fell asleep on my floor last night," Jacob corrected without missing a beat.

The sound Ressler made was miserable. "I don't... I followed you home, didn't I?" he managed, sounding like the night's events was coming back to him in bits and pieces.

"Bitching the whole way," Jacob confirmed and he laid the bacon out.

Ressler stood, moving slowly over to the kitchen. "I was out of line last night."

"Forget it."

"No, I was... It was inappropriate. Completely. Liz is-" He stopped, slightly bloodshot eyes wide as the door opened and Liz walked through it. He blinked at her and she looked between her former partner and Jacob as if she knew she'd just walked in in the middle of something.

"Morning, Ress."

"Morning..." he managed and glanced over at Jacob.

The younger man rolled his eyes. "If you think I'm not going to opening mock you for passing out on my floor after a couple drinks, you're going to be disappointed."

"It was more than a couple."

"You have no idea how many there were so you can't argue that."

Ressler cleared his throat awkwardly. "Listen I-"

"We're good," Jacob cut him off before he could blurt anything else out. "At least as good as we were before, for whatever that's worth."

Liz moved behind him and filled the coffee pot. "How do you like your eggs, Ressler?"

"I don't want to intrude."

"Too late for that," Jacob popped off and received a hard nudge to the ribs for his efforts.

"Don't worry about it. It was a last second decision for me to drop by anyway. Let the hangover fade before you leave."

"I guess I just thought..."

"That I'd moved in?" Liz asked with a little mischief in her eyes. "Not yet."

She touched Jacob's back to keep him from running into her as she slipped behind him in the narrow kitchen. Her fingers lingered there for half a moment more than they might have needed to and he sighed. "Scrambled work?" he asked, having already lost the battle before he fought it.

"Eggs?"

"It helps the hangover."

"I'm guessing you don't get those?"

Jacob smirked and cracked an egg into the pan.

"Doesn't it make you just hate him?" Liz laughed. "But turn around is fair. He gets stuck on hangover duty since he's fine the next morning."

Ressler actually chuckled at that one and shook his head, reaching for the water bottle he hadn't bothered with the night before. Liz chattered on, and if she knew exactly what Ressler was trying to apologise for, her ex wasn't sure. She just seemed happy that the two weren't sniping back and forth at each other. It wasn't like a night of drunken confessions would set the two men directly onto the path of friendship, but it had pushed Jacob into facing the uncertainties that he had been burying for longer than he cared to admit, and that had to be worth something. Liz loved him. All of him. He would never be comfortable with another man having feelings for her like he was sure Ressler did, but choices were being made and he had to choose to trust Liz, just as she was choosing to trust him.

* * *

Notes: I am of the fairly firm opinion that Ressler has feelings for Liz, even if he doesn't admit it, even to himself. I think Jacob does though, and I think that's one of the reasons that he dislikes him so much. I really enjoyed writing this piece because a lot of tiny little head canons about the way that I think Jacob might see the situation could come together into an actual little character piece. Nothing helps further that along like whiskey :P

Here's the question that I'm wrestling with now. Ressler will remain interwoven into these stories, but it is and will remain a Keen2 story with Jacob and Liz moving forward together, but would anyone be interested in seeing a situation in which Liz found out about this conversation and getting some of her point of view on it? I don't necessarily have a story in mind yet for that, but I'm curious if I should even hand the plot bunny a carrot or anything. Thoughts?


	7. Diving In

**Diving In**

"I'm glad you're finding my near death experience amusing," Jacob grumbled from the passenger seat where he was still soaked through. Part of him was at least a little satisfied that he was going to leave a water stain on the FBI's nice leather seats. He would take his wins where he could today.

"It wouldn't have been a near death experience if you would just learn to swim," Liz countered. "And Samar made a valid point. There was no reason to gripe at her for it."

Jacob leveled one of his best glares at his ex. The problem was that she knew better than to believe it. Liz just rolled her eyes and pulled along the street in front of her apartment. It was closer than his own and he could wash the lingering saltwater off and grab a quick change of clothes before going back in to write his report... Which would only end in Ressler joining in the mockery as well. He was about ready for it to be done and over with.

"I can teach you, you know," Liz offered as they climbed out of the vehicle. "How is it that you went through so much specialized training and never learned?"

"Avoiding things I don't want to do is one of my many talents."

Liz shook her head, laughing softly at him. "Like the laundry?"

Jacob snorted. "That was one time I left them in there."

"Yeah, and I liked that sweater. You left it in the closed washer for three days!"

"The kids were in the middle of testing," he argued. "It slipped my mind."

"Uh huh. Master spy, unless it comes to swimming or laundry," his ex wife teased as she reached for her keys, fitting one into the lock and turning it. She froze for a moment and Jacob shot her a questioning look. "I didn't leave it unlocked this morning."

Jacob immediately tensed, gun in his hand as Liz pushed open her front door. There was no sound from Hudson who should have been there to greet them even if they were at the door earlier than Liz usually came home.

The sound of paws on the carpet filled the front room as Hudson came scurrying around, happy and drooling. Liz lowered her gun to catch hold of him and Jacob slipped past, his still in hand, and went to clear the rest of the small apartment. He rounded the corner to the little alcove tucked away where Liz kept her desk and he instantly lowered his weapon. "Liz, I think I found your burglar," he called with a smile.

The young boy that sat in her computer chair bristled at the accusation. "I'm not stealing anything!"

Liz came around the corner, eyes wide. "Matt? What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

The boy, one of Bud's recruits that had helped Liz escape a few months before, had latched onto her and Liz had visited him at the foster home he had been put into in DC several times. He was adjusting, slowly, but he had never shown up at her apartment before, as far as Jacob was aware, but there he sat like he was in his own home. He tilted his head at Jacob. "Why are you all wet?"

"Oh no you don't," Liz stated firmly. "Matt, how did you get in my apartment?"

The boy looked over at Jacob like he was hoping for help and he shrugged. "Better to learn now not to lie to her. She doesn't like that."

Matt frowned and stood, reaching deeply into the pocket of his cargo pants and pulling a relatively nice set of lockpicks from it. Jacob held his hand out to inspect them. "You work quick," he said, turning them over. "Where'd you get these?"

"Traded for them."

"Why would you need a set of lock picks?" Liz asked softly and Matt looked up at her like she's asked the dumbest question available to her.

"To get in places."

Jacob chuckled. The kid might have been a little soft for Bud's program, but he certainly could see why the Major had picked him up. He had gone with Liz a couple of times to take Matt for ice cream, but hadn't gone the times that she had simply dropped by the foster home to see him. Liz never pushed him to, and while he was fond of the kid, he had seen enough foster homes to last him a lifetime. He had no interest in seeing another unless he could do something to fix the situation.

Even in the limited time that he'd had with him, Jacob had seen just how clever Matt was. He would wager that he made few natural connections with people, but on the rare occasion that he did, that was a connection that _couldn't_ be broken. Not lightly, at any rate, if Jacob's own similar disposition was anything to go off of. He had connected with Liz though and she was the one he would turn to if he was in some sort of trouble.

"What's happened?" Jacob asked softly, gaining Matt's attention.

The kid set his jaw and Liz leaned against the wall. "You can trust us, Matt. You know you can, or you wouldn't have come."

"It's stupid," he mumbled and Jacob could feel his ex wife's eyes on him, like she expected him to be able to read between those incredibly vague lines.

"Are you in trouble?" she asked quietly.

Matt looked up. "Not yet."

"We need the whole story, kiddo, or we can't protect you," Jacob told him.

"But you'll protect me?"

"I promised you I would," Liz confirmed and reached out to him, taking his smaller hand. "And Jacob and I are a team."

The kid was more nervous than he wanted to admit, but after a moment of looking back and forth between them he loosed a long breath, drawing his knees up to his chest and curling into the computer chair. Hudson moved so that he was sitting next to him and Matt reached down to scratch him between the scruffy ears. "Lots of the kids at the school didn't have anything on their record that would stick, so they were put back in. One guy that I knew... I ran across him on my way home from school. He was up to something so I followed him."

Jacob winced. From everything he had heard from Liz about Matt and from the boy himself, anyone that knew him at Bud's school was well aware he wouldn't have made it to graduation. Washouts weren't popular. There were a few that had tagged him as one when he had first begun, but he'd _made_ them think twice. He wasn't sure Matt had that in him.

"He got ahold of this guy maybe a couple of years older. I didn't know him, but Kossler killed him. I think he saw me."

Liz winced. "Okay, we're going to take care of this. I'm going to make a couple of calls while Jacob hops through the shower so that he doesn't smell like the bay."

Matt cracked a small smile at that and Jacob rolled his eyes. "Thanks, babe."

"Hey, we promised not to lie to each other," she teased. "And don't complain, I'm about to get you out of an afternoon of paperwork."

* * *

The task force had jurisdiction over any case that connected back to Bud's school, and all it took was a call to Ressler to get Liz and Jacob on the case. There had been a warning there, one that was only accepted because Ressler really knew her far too well, to be careful and, if she thought she would be emotionally compromised on this particular case, that he would take it on personally. Liz had assured him that they would be fine with it, but she would keep him in the loop.

Samar met them at the crime scene while Aram went to go sit with Matt, offering to entertain him for a while and keep him out of trouble. While they let the foster home know that he was safe, it was out of the question to send him back to a place where the supposed murderer could find him.

The former Mossad agent offered a smile towards Jacob and Liz nudged him hard in the ribs as he glared. "I'm still waiting for that story, Phelps."

Liz's ex husband cracked a smile. "Not happening, Navabi."

Samar chuckled and looked over. "What kind of operative doesn't know how to swim?"

"That kind," Liz answered, nodding towards Jacob as she moved past, flashing her badge for the local PD. "Special Agents Keen, Navabi, and Phelps." She could almost feel Jacob bristle behind her at the title. "I believe Assistant Director Ressler should have called?"

"Yeah, sounds like you guys are taking this one over."

"It's potentially linked to an open case."

"Let me guess: classified?"

"It is. We'll keep you as in the loop as possible."

Liz glanced back and Samar was already moving to kneel down and take a look at the body covered in the ground. Jacob came to stand with her. "Mike Kossler," he said lowly. "I've been away from the school way too long to know anything about him personally."

"But you know how they're trained."

His eyes met hers and he nodded, following in step with her to where Samar was crouched down. She was all business now, the joke that had been running since she had found out that Jacob couldn't swim put away for a much more serious subject. "They're saying that a jogger found the body, no ID yet."

Jacob shifted at her side. "This wasn't a scuffle. It was an execution."

Liz looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"The killer isn't a student. He's probably young enough that Matt mistook him for one, but the kids usually range anywhere between Matt's age and eighteen. He's part of a clean up crew. Bud - or whoever he left behind - is cleaning house."

"This man isn't young enough to have been another student," Samar pointed out.

"No, but he could have been a teacher that was off campus during the raid or any number of connections that worked with the graduates. Look deep in his record, not just on the surface."

"Wouldn't you know him if he was a teacher?"

Jacob shrugged. "Not if he were new within the past five years or so. Deep cover means no contact."

Deep cover. Their marriage. Liz pushed it aside. "So you're saying that if we don't catch this guy, this isn't the last execution."

"Not the first, either."

Liz turned, a little startled by the hostile tone. She found a face that she would have preferred never seeing again. Detective Wilcox had made her life during the investigation a nightmare and it was something that she did not want to focus on. They were moving forward, not holding to the sins of the past. That had been what she and Jacob had decided, and it was the only way they _could_ move forward.

"I've been told you've swept in and taken over the investigation. Does that mean one of your people killed him?"

"This murder is part of an ongoing investigation, Detective," Liz said tightly. "We will need any information you have on previous victims."

"I'm sure you will." His gaze shifted over to Jacob. "You people really are something. Nothing's ever true with you people, is it?"

Jacob squared his shoulders, but Liz was fairly certain that he didn't actually recognize the detective. He had barely seen him during the trial.

"We're on a case, Detective Wilcox," Samar cut in. "If you have a problem, you'll need to go higher up than any of us here."

The detective grumbled something under his breath and Liz straightened her back, refusing to back down. He seemed to realize it was a losing battle and snorted. "I'll have the information sent over to your offices," he said gruffly and turned, walking away without another word.

Liz shook her head. "We can't rely on his people to give us anything."

"Who is he?"

She looked over to her ex husband. "The detective that was in the harbor master case."

To his credit, Jacob winced a little. "Well, then we'll start with what we know. Between Matt and what I know about Bud's clean up process, we'll catch this guy."

"Then let's get to it. We'll get the ME's report when they're done, but I think I'd be more comfortable moving Matt to the Post Office."

Jacob nodded, his jaw clenched in a small tell of unease. "If a cleaner saw him, he's in more trouble than we thought. We'll need to keep him somewhere safe until this is dealt with."

* * *

The day had already been a busy one with a blacklister down, Jacob nearly drowning, and now they were working a homicide case with links back to someone in Bud's organization. By the time that they wrapped the day up the day was long over and no one was comfortable with sending Matt back to his foster parents until the situation was resolved.

That was how he ended up on Liz's tiny little couch that was pressed right against the same wall that her bed was on the other side of. "Jacob should be back any minute and it looks like Hudson had claimed your feet for his new bed," she said with a smile. "Need anything else?"

Matt shifted under the quilt she'd given him, eyes big and he looked as tired as she felt. "Why doesn't Jacob live here with you?"

"Liz was halfway to standing from her crouched position and she paused, turning to look at him. "Hmm?"

"Jacob. You two are together. Why doesn't he live here?"

"We…" Liz swallowed hard. Matt wasn't a normal kid. They had been more straightforward with him about everything that day than they would have been with any other twelve-year-old because he'd seen and experienced more than most of the kids his age. When it came to she and Jacob, though, it was a difficult thing to explain to an adult, much less a child. "Jacob and I are taking it slow. There were a lot of lies before I found out that he worked for Bud. It doesn't… mean that he loved me any less, but it's hard. We want to do it right."

"But he stays here sometimes?"

"And I stay at his place sometimes, but both need a place to go and think."

"You guys spend a lot of time together because of work, huh?"

"We do, but we like spending time with each other. It's just… well sometimes we need time to sort through things on our own. He spent a lot of time being someone else. He needs to make sure that the man that he _really_ is isn't just another part to play because he thinks I want it."

Matt blinked, shifting to sit up a little. "That makes sense. One of the kids in second year, she was on the deep cover track. I didn't know her very well, but I don't think anyone did. I don't think she knew herself very well either. I think you know Jacob better than you think, though."

Liz looked over as she heard the sound of a key being fit into the lock from the outside and she stood to unlock the deadbolt when Jacob realized that he couldn't get in.

"Hey Liz?"

"Yeah?" she asked as the knock followed, a funny little rhythm that she'd only heard Jacob use.

"Do you think I could ever be normal? Like… have a family and stuff?"

"Of course you can," she answered automatically, opening the door. Her ex stood there looking entirely worn by the day and shuffled in, his bag slung over his shoulder and mumbling something about a shower and sleep. He pressed a quick kiss to her temple as he passed, stopped by the couch long enough to ruffle Matt's hair, and then trudged on into her bedroom. Liz waited until she heard the bathroom door shut before risking the laugh that she'd been holding back. "Apparently we all need some sleep. Knock on the wall if you need us, okay? I'm going to leave the door cracked."

"Okay," Matt murmured, burrowing back down on the couch. "Hey Liz?"

She stopped again, turning.

"I hope if I get a real family someday, if I could be normal, I'd get one like you and Jacob."

Liz's smile didn't fade. "Honey, I don't think we're anything like normal, but thank you." Impulsively she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Sleep well."

* * *

Jacob stood in the shower and let the hot water work through some of his more tense muscles a few minutes longer than he would have otherwise. It had been a long day, and it was likely the first of a collection of long days until they found this guy. That was if they ever did. While the task force's closing rate on cases was great, Bud's trainees were some of the best in the world. A cleaner was as much of a ghost as the deep cover operatives. If they couldn't find him soon enough, eventually social services would muddle through the red tape and try to do something with Matt. They would move him out of DC or they would try to change his name, make him become someone he wasn't. The kid didn't deserve that, not after everything he'd been through.

Finally Jacob reached over and switched the water off, stepping out of the shower and toweling himself off. He was still running the towel across his dark hair when he stepped out of the bathroom, steam following him, and found Liz sitting crosslegged on her bed and waiting for him. She was looking down, and as he got close enough that he could see what she was looking at without his contacts in, he saw a photo in her hands. She looked up, tears in her eyes and held up the picture of she and Sam from when she had been a little girl. "He protected me from stuff like this."

Jacob swallowed hard. "Yeah, he really did," he answered softly. Bud would have loved to have gotten ahold of someone as clever as Liz as a young teenager. He would have warped her darkest instincts and made her into a killer. She would have gone far in his organization.

"What are we going to do after all this is over?"

He blinked and tossed the towel back into the bathroom, reaching for his t-shirt in his bag and taking a seat on the bed with her as he slipped it over his head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what happens to him? Does he just get tossed back in a system that put him in this situation in the first place?"

Jacob pulled in a deep breath, carefully letting the words rattle around in his brain before he dared let them escape. He hated the foster system. Nothing good had come from his time there, or anyone else that he knew that had been stuck in it, but Matt had assured Liz that the foster parents he'd been put with were nice enough people. She'd spoken with them, and while they didn't always seem to know how to handle the kid, they wanted to learn. It seemed like the best possible option for him at this point, so he wasn't certain what his ex wife was getting at. "What are you thinking?" he asked carefully, finally deciding that letting her be blunt was the safest option.

She turned glassy eyes on him and leaned in, letting him wrap his arms around her. She leaned into his chest. "We always talked about adopting a kid."

Terror swept through him, every instinct telling him this was _not_ a safe topic. She had strung him along, built up his hopes, and when he'd finally dared to believe that he could have that family she had pulled it out from under him. The logical side of him knew that's never what she had intended to do, but sometimes it was tough to separate how he felt and what he knew was true. He didn't think he could do that again. "Babe, I'm not sure that's-"

Liz pulled back, eyes flashing angrily at him. "What? You were all for adopting when we were married."

"Yeah, when we weren't fighting for our relationship every step of the way. Lizzy…" He steadied himself and reached out, his hand hovering close enough to hers that she knew that he wanted her to take it. Slowly, hesitantly, she did, and he felt himself even out a little. "I want to, more than most anything, but you were right when you said that we had to fix things with us first. We're still… _You_ wanted to move slow."

"I know," she answered smalley.

"Can I be honest, babe?"

"Of course you can."

"You're probably not going to like it," he warned, but she squeezed his hand and nodded for him to continue. "Ideas that you latch onto when you're emotional are the ones you change your mind about later. You can't dangle this in front of him. A family, for a kid that doesn't have one, is everything. If they'll admit it or not."

"You're worried I'll go back on it like last time."

Jacob winced and watched as Liz took a moment to purposefully not snap at him. Finally she reached forward, her palm against his cheek and he leaned into it. "I don't want him to end up like me, Liz," he whispered. "He's already..."

"We'd help him."

"If we went through with it. We don't even know, after everything, if they'd _let_ us adopt him. Let's... Let's just look into it quietly before you say anything too loudly, okay?"

"We were both cleared."

"Please?"

She huffed and wrapped her arms around him, toppling him to his back and landing on top of him. "Okay," she relented and kissed him. "I love you."

"Love you too."

He shifted them both under the covers and felt her settle against his chest. It was everything he could do not to jump at the opportunity, but they had to be careful. He'd been on the raw end of too many people changing their minds about him that he knew it began to weigh eventually. For now, they needed to focus on keeping the kid safe, then they could start seeing what else they could do and if they were ready to do it.

* * *

"I hear you've taken on a ward."

Liz looked up irritably from her desk where she was going over the details and audio of Matt's statement and Jacob's notes that he had added that morning. Red hadn't made a sound as he entered her office, but he gave her that look he did when he thought he was about to bestow wisdom on her. She hadn't seen him for a couple days, but she had known this conversation was coming sooner or later. "Matt's staying with me until we know he's out of danger."

"That boy will never be out of danger. The moment Bill McCready catches wind that the Keens are falling over themselves to protect one of his former students... well, he'll know just how to get back at Tom, won't he?"

"McCready is locked up. Listen, Red, I am well aware that you don't think Jacob and I should ever have a family, but could you please take a break? We're keeping a kid safe so that he can go home."

"And you can look me in the eye and tell me that at the end of this that that is what will happen? He'll go home and you and Tom have no interest in pursuing an adoption in the future."

Liz kept her expression even, but she was starting to wonder if he had her apartment bugged. "Let me do my job, Red. Please tell me you're not here just to gripe about my non-existent personal life."

"Of course not, Lizzy. I have some helpful information so that you can wrap this case up."

"Really?"

He smiled at her, handing her a file. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Liz returned the smile and took it. "Yes, even if you think it's for my own good," she answered and skimmed the documents. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what lengths Red had gone to for this information. Jacob had been out on the street for days, following down every possible lead he could think of without getting himself shot for the effort. The information Red had just delivered to them might have taken the task force weeks to uncover. She forgot just how far his empire stretched. "We have him," she breathed. "Thank you."

Red caught her arm as she started to move towards the door. "Elizabeth, you have made it clear how you feel about Tom and that nothing I say will change that, but using a child to bring you both closer is-"

Liz pulled away, her temper flaring. "You know me too well to finish that statement."

"I suppose I do," he said stiffly.

"You want to make demands of the FBI for your intel, fine, but my personal life is off limits to mix up in this any more than it already is. You have something to say to me about it, you come to me as a friend, not with leverage to bully me into listening."

He pulled back and watched her for a moment before before his expression softened considerably. "I never meant to indicate as much. I only want to see you happy and safe."

She was almost out the door before she turned, his words ringing true. He didn't always go about it in the right way, but he had proven time and again that her best interest was always his goal. "Red?"

"Yes, Lizzy?"

"You and Jacob are both in my life. You both mean... a lot to me. More than I could say. I wish you would both at least try to find common ground."

"That is incredibly unlikely."

"But not impossible," she murmured. "Thank you."

He nodded and she turned. He would come around.

* * *

Jacob was trying not to let it get to him that Reddington had handed them their case on a silver platter. He should focus on the fact that Matt was safe and that they wrapped it up and gotten their cleaner - alive, so that they could try to get at least some of his secrets from him - so that Matt wasn't shipped off to some other city. The fact that Jacob had gotten a glimpse at what their life could be if they did adopt Matt was a hard thing to let go of. Harder than he wanted to admit.

They were back to their separate apartments again, their routines that often left them where the only interaction that they had was at work, and Liz hadn't brought up the topic of adoption with him again.

He was finishing up his last few pages of paperwork for the case when arms were suddenly around his neck, Liz's perfume subtle, and she pressed a kiss to his cheek from her place behind him. "Dinner?"

"Definitely. Your place or mine?"

"I was thinking we could try this little place I heard about. Anyway, it's right next to our stop."

"What stop?"

"It's a surprise," she teased and let him go.

She was halfway out the office door by the time he got the laptop shut down. "What kind of surprise?" he called after her.

He didn't get an answer, though, not even as he piled into the passenger seat of her vehicle and let her drive. He wasn't sure when he started recognizing the area, but eventually he was fairly certain that they were going towards a residential community. He was even more confused as she pulled over and a lady was waiting there.

"Sorry we're late," Liz offered. "He's slow."

"Still not sure what for," Jacob chuckled.

The woman smiled and Liz seemed perfectly ready to follow her up a short flight of stairs and into the townhouse that she was opening the door to. Jacob followed, trying not to jump to any conclusions and finding it difficult. "You getting a new place, Liz?"

"I thought _we_ might," she answered, turning around. "What do you think?"

Her ex husband paused, blinking owlishly. "We?"

"I'll give you two a second," the woman - a realtor, he guessed now - said and moved into another room.

Liz bit her bottom lip. "Well, if we're serious about looking into adopting Matt, I think one of the first things they'll want to know is if we can live together without killing each other."

"Pretty sure we managed that for a while without physical fights erupting."

She popped him on the arm. "I'm serious about this. Look at it. It's not as nice as our old place, but the kitchen's big and there are two bedrooms. I mean, you might have to get rid of that terrible chair that you got….."

"I like that chair."

"I know you do. No one else does. Mostly because it looks like you inherited it from your great-grandfather." Jacob wasn't entirely sure what face he made, but it made her laugh and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Are we serious about trying?"

"Are you?" he asked carefully.

"I am."

He pulled in a steadying breath. This was no time for hedging around the truth. "I need you to promise me that you'll talk to me, okay? No one-sided decisions, no backing once he knows."

Liz nodded. "We'll talk about every step, starting with this one."

Jacob's lips tilted up at the edges and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Let's take a look then."

She grinned, the smile reaching her eyes as she tipped up on her toes and kissed him. They were getting their hopes up for something that he didn't even know if they could accomplish. He wasn't sure how deep his cleared record went or if an adoption agency would ever let him within fifty feet of their door again, but he wanted to try. He and Liz wanted their family, and Matt needed one. Jacob had never been very good at loving people, but the longer he was with Liz, the more he found that he was learning. Each step brought him a little closer. It wasn't without plenty of risks, but diving in all the way always did, and it was worth it.

* * *

Notes: I've always really liked that they use learning to swim to illustrate Jacob's learning how to become more than what he's been told he is. It's a beautiful thing, but at the same time, I find it very entertaining and strange that a deep cover operative doesn't know how to swim, because that's not something you'd fake for a cover. I feel like, as part of the task force, it wouldn't take long for that to come out and then it would spread like wild fire and become an ongoing joke. Samar was kind enough to run with it for me in this story. I haven't had many chances yet to have them in scenes together (mostly because I don't have a great handle on her character yet) but I like Samar, and I'm hoping that I will eventually.

For those that didn't read World on Fire, Matt was a character in that story. Hopefully I gave enough information that you weren't too lost in it.

I have several ideas moving forward, but I'm always taking requests, both for this story and if you guys want to see anything over on Truth in the Lies. I should (hopefully) update on that a bit more once we get back into the season.


	8. Risks

**Risks**

Jacob had made his share of risky decisions in his life, but this one was starting to feel like one that should have received a little more planning. He'd thrown it into motion the second Ressler had given him the reluctant go-ahead, both men knowing what was at stake. A little girl had been taken and they were working against the clock. She was the daughter of a judge, but it was the people that had taken her that had sent Jacob scurrying even for bad options, just as long as they made a move and got her out. These were the type of people even Bud wouldn't work with when he's been approached by them. It was that interest in Bud's operatives that had given them the in. Liz never would have gone for the operation, but with the time restraints they were working under, Jacob had done what he thought needed to be done to get the kid back.

As he blinked his eyes open to what looked like a holding room, Jacob was started to think that they should have spent a little more time on the plan.

"Are you awake?"

He shifted at the sound of the voice. It was small, but steady, and he saw a pair of big, brown eyes watching him. She was seated on the dirty floor, her knees pulled up to her chest and her back against the wall. She was staring at him with a curious expression.

"Yeah," Jacob said and raised his hand to his pounding head only to find his wrists taped together. He grimaced and shifted hard so that he could sit up. His body protested loudly at the movement.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Jacob," he answered, finding her watching his every movement carefully. "Are you Maggie?"

The little girl nodded, her nose crunched up a little. "Are you here to rescue me?"

She didn't sound very hopeful about that, but Jacob doubted that he looked like he was in a place to be rescuing anyone. The good news was that he had been in worse positions and had gotten out of them. "Yeah."

"Doesn't look like we're in good shape then," she answered, setting her chin on her bent knees.

Jacob swallowed the chuckle that threatened. He had been assigned a couple of kidnapping cases over his years in Bud's organization and the kids had been terrified. This little girl was calm, collected, and a little precocious. It wasn't what he was expecting, but he'd always respected clever. Clever could help her stay alive. "Do you know how many guards have been in here?"

The girl shrugged. "There's been a different one each time, except for the one guy. He's mean looking, but he doesn't talk."

Jacob nodded. Charles Phillips was the man behind the operation. He'd seen him briefly when he'd been taken in. He had made sure Phillips knew who he was. Bud had leaked his name - his real name - far and wide to find him when he had been hunting him down. Rumours traveled quickly through various circles, but the good news was that Jacob's former handler hadn't wanted anyone to know that his operative had left because he'd gotten mixed up romantically with a fed. Leaving was bad enough, but that would have done more damage than it was worth. So all Phillips knew was that he had gotten his hands on a rogue operative by happy chance. Jacob had landed himself in the same holding room by answering Phillips' offer by breaking his nose. It had been worth a few bruises and a headache. He knew the girl was there and he knew she was unharmed. Now it was just time to get them out.

"You don't look like a policeman."

Jacob turned to look at her. "I'm not."

"Who are you then? If you're here to rescue me? Are other people coming?"

The lock on the other side of the door began to turn and Jacob looked over to Maggie. "Yeah, but they can't know that, okay?"

She nodded, not looking certain. It didn't matter. As bad as things looked, they could have been a lot worse.

* * *

She was livid. Angry didn't even begin to cover the rage rolling through her, and the entire Post Office seemed to feel it. They parted way for Elizabeth Keen as she stormed in and towards Ressler who was looking over Aram's shoulder at a computer screen. Liz didn't bother waiting to be acknowledged. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Her partner-turned-boss looked up, startled, and stared at her a moment. "Excuse me?"

"You sent Jacob undercover. You told him that if he came to work for the task force that there would be no undercover work-"

"The agreement was that we wouldn't ask him to do any _deep_ cover work. This is just exploiting a connection, which is _exactly_ why we hired him. If he told you he'd clear that kind of work with you, that's between the two of you. You both assured me there wouldn't be any personal drama brought into the office."

"It's not," Liz said quickly. She had been caught by surprise when she had called in on her way back from speaking to a social worker about their options for adopting Matt. It was one of their earliest meetings, and after the last time, she had been determined to be the one to go. Aram had let it slip that Jacob had been put under cover in a case that had landed on their doorstep with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball. She didn't know the details yet, just that Jacob had gone undercover, using his connections to the Major's organization to rescue a kidnapped little girl and that he had done so without a word to her. That meant that he knew she wouldn't have liked the idea and went through it anyway.

"The little girl is Judge Jamison's daughter. He's apparently good friends with Judge Renner and has a lot of pull. He doesn't know the details of what happened with Renner, but he doesn't have a good opinion of the task force," Ressler said softly. "Cooper asked us to take care of this."

Liz pursed her lips, knowing just how heavily this would weigh on them. The harbour master case had been followed far too closely by the set up and the Cabal fiasco. If Jamison had heard Renner's opinions of them, she could only imagine his distaste for them. Cooper was trying to smooth things out by putting them on this, and Ressler had been given the task of getting it done. "And this was our only option?"

"This Phillips guy is a collector from what Jacob was saying. He's been trying to get his hands on one of the Major's operatives for years, but apparently McCready turned him down multiple times."

"So Jacob gave himself up."

"We needed eyes on the inside."

She looked over at Aram's computer, a dot blinking steadily. "You're tracking him."

Ressler nodded. "Phillips is only in town for the girl. It was supposed to be a quick in and out, but he couldn't resist Jacob being dangled right in front of him."

"It'll make him sloppy," the profiler acknowledged. It made sense, but it didn't make her any happier. All he had to do was give her a quick call. If he got out of this in one piece, she was going to have a few words with him.

"That's the plan," Ressler acknowledged. "Aram, how long has he been in that location?"

"About twenty minutes," the computer expert answered.

"Good." He glanced at Liz. "You good to be on the team going in?"

She nodded firmly. "Yes."

He offered her a small smile. "I'm not going to put him in unnecessary danger, Liz. He's part of our team now."

Liz's lips twitched downward. "I know," she answered softly. "I just... I guess I get why he used to worry so much about me."

"Jacob will be fine. This is what he does. He's pretty good at it."

"I know," she repeated, shaking her head a little. "He should have told me."

"Yell at him, not me," Ressler chuckled as he motioned to Samar that they were on their way out. "But it had to do with a kid. He doesn't seem to have a lot of blind spots, but that does seem to be one of them. He said these guys move fast and we wouldn't have a chance to get her if we didn't slow them down."

Liz nodded, following him towards the door. She couldn't fault him for trying to do something right, but she didn't think she would be able to shake the anger away in full until they had him safely back.

The tracker led them to an old apartment building, and when she and Ressler pulled up she saw a man that she would have rather avoided for this whole situation. Liz pushed herself forward, carefully schooling her expression. She was a professional.

"Judge Jamison," Ressler greeted as he stepped out of the SUV. "Sir, we're going to have to ask you to step back-"

"I had heard that the FBI chose to put their goldenchild task force on this," Jamison growled, glaring at Liz who he had likely only seen on television when she had gone on the run. His glare swiveled back around on Ressler. "Agent...?"

"Ressler, sir."

"A good friend of mine has had some less than pleasant interactions with your task force already, Agent Ressler. My daughter-"

"Is our highest priority in this," Ressler assured him. "We've tracked the men that kidnapped your daughter to this location. We have a man in there with her to keep her safe. We are taking every precaution."

"We will get her out safely," Liz said firmly and saw a man that seemed to think very little of them before ever meeting them nodded sharply.

"I hope you do."

* * *

"I've heard some interesting rumours about you, Mr Phelps," Phillips said as he squatted down in front of Jacob, the skin around his nose already starting to discolour under the bandage from where the former operative had broken it.

Jacob was curled on his side, doing his best to protect himself from the hard boots that had been crashing into his ribs just moments before. They had been focused on the girl when they entered, but a quick jibe in the thugs' direction had deterred them. Phillips didn't seem to care that they were bruising his merchandise as long as no permanent damage was done. "I've heard a few things about you too," Jacob managed through gritted teeth.

"Good, then no introductions are needed. As I was trying to explain to you earlier, it has come to my attention that you have cut ties with your employer. I'd like to hire you for a job."

"Funny way of asking. I usually avoid working for guys that toss me in locked rooms."

"We can certainly get you more favorable accommodations," Phillips said with a shrug. "You simply acted as if you needed a bit of persuasion."

Jacob winced. "You could have just said please."

"See, and that's the sort of tone that leads one to believe you're not going to be very cooperative."

Phillips motioned to one of the men standing near Jacob and he was hauled up by the collar of his jacket and slammed hard against the wall, pinned there by the gun he found in his face. It was a fine balance between keeping the man occupied in this place and staying alive. Ressler should have a team assembled by that point and would be following the tracker that Jacob had reluctantly agreed to. "What kind of job?" he asked, catching Phillips' eye again.

"I understand you are a topnotch undercover agent. I have some rather sensitive information that has fallen into a competitor's hands. I need you to retrieve it."

"What sort of information?"

"That's really none of your concern." The door opened behind him and Jacob caught a glimpse of a room, as if they were in an apartment of some kind. Phillips leaned in, listening to what the man had to say, and his expression darkened. "Get the girl. Phelps?"

"Doesn't look like I have a lot of choice, does it?"

"Good. Now that that's settled, cut him loose. I have no interest in losing him to the feds now."

There were three men and Phillips. One with a gun, one that had Jacob held tightly by his jacket, and the other that had brought the news in. Phillips was likely armed as well. He would have to move fast.

Jacob risked a glance over to Maggie who was staring with wide eyes from her place in the corner, sat down on the dirty floor and below the probable line of fire. As soon as the knife was through the duct tape he moved, slamming into the man with the knife first, grabbing it, and swinging it around to the one that was ready to shoot him.

"You're as good as I've heard," Phillips said cheerfully, and Jacob found a gun trained on him. "But you're useless if I can't trust you. Drop the weapon."

He let the knife slip from his fingers, his hands slowly moving into the air. "Okay, you win," he said carefully and he could feel the little girl's eyes on him. Ressler needed to speed things up. He'd led them straight to Phillips, and he'd be damned if they were just outside the door and he still got himself killed in there.

"FBI! Show your hands!"

Phillips looked back to where the shout had come from the other side of the door. He looked over to the girl and was halfway to aiming his weapon when Jacob jumped forward, taking him down. The door burst open and the gun went off, but one solid blow to the head knocked Phillips out cold. The man that had brought the message in about the incoming rescue team stepped back, hands raised in surrender, and Jacob sat back onto the hard ground, looking down to make sure he was still whole.

Armed FBI agents filled the room and Jacob waved one of them off as he turned to the little girl who hadn't moved. "You okay, kiddo?"

She nodded, staring at him. Without warning she hopped up, covering the space, and latched her arms around his neck. Jacob sat where he was, blinking in surprise, and chuckled softly. "Hey, we're okay. See? I told you people were coming."

"You said you weren't with the police."

"That's because he's with the FBI." Jacob looked up to see Ressler at the door and the fair haired man gave him a smirk. "You okay, Phelps?"

"Cutting it close there, Ressler."

"Had to make sure you'd actually gotten in."

Jacob shifted and stood, gathering the little girl up as he did. "I've got her," he told one of the agents and started for the door as she hung on tightly.

"By the way, you're in trouble with Keen," Ressler offered and Jacob sighed.

"Keen? Is that your boss?" Maggie asked with her chin still on his shoulder.

Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, you could say that." He spotted Liz at the door of the little apartment. She was giving instructions and didn't notice him at first, but when she turned towards him he saw relief flash through her eyes and guilt wedged its way in. He'd done what he felt he needed to in the time constraint, but he had some serious grovelling to do to make up for it.

Liz's expression softened when Maggie turned in Jacob's arms, never quite loosening her grip. "You must be Maggie," Jacob's ex wife said with a smile. "I'm Elizabeth."

"Keen?"

"Yes," she said a little uncertainly and glanced at him.

"Why is Jacob in trouble with you?"

Liz laughed softly and Jacob offered her his most innocent smile. "Well played, Jacob. Well played," she chuckled. "Maggie, your daddy was _very_ insistent about coming with us. Do you want to go see him?"

She nodded, but never let go of Jacob. He felt a smile tilt his lips. "It's okay, kiddo. I've got you."

"You okay?" Liz mouthed as they started down the stairs.

He nodded, shifting the little girl in his arms. "Yeah. Bruised, but I'm good."

"They didn't like you very much, did they?" Maggie asked.

"Nope. That's okay. I wasn't their biggest fan either."

He saw Liz shake her head from the corner of his eye and they exited the building into the street. "Where's her dad?"

"Judge Jamison's over there," his ex said and there was something in her voice that said that she was more than ready to be done with the man.

Maggie came alive when she heard her name and Jacob set her down. She sprinted for the judge who instantly had her pulled into a hug. Liz nudged him in the ribs and he winced. "Bruised," he reminded her.

"Still mad at you," she answered, but her lips were twitched up a little at the corners. "But good job."

He grinned. Well, at least she wasn't furious. "Love you."

"You too, but you still should have called."

"I feel like I've heard that before," Jacob chuckled and received another hard jab for the joke. "Ow," he grumbled dramatically and wrapped an arm around his already bruised ribs.

"You need a trip to the hospital, Phelps?" Ressler called from behind.

Jacob snorted. "No, I'm good."

"You look like hell," the other man said. "Get him out of here, Keen. We'll wrap this up." He moved to approach the judge, but didn't look very excited to do so. After just a moment, he turned. "Good job, Jacob. We wouldn't have found her that quickly if you hadn't done that."

He shrugged in response and Liz leaned into him, pulling his attention around. "Look at that. I think Ress is trying to get you out of trouble."

"Is it working?"

She rolled her eyes. "Let's get going before the judge forgets how happy he is to have his daughter back and starts in on us again."

"That bad?"

"He's a friend of Renner's."

Jacob frowned and followed Liz over towards the SUV. He risked one more glance back at Maggie who had her arms wrapped around her father's neck and a small smile crossed his lips.

"Ressler was right, you know. You really did do a good thing today," his ex wife said softly, almost resigned.

"I know," he answered. "It's not the first kidnapping assignment I've worked, just the first one I've seen the reunion on the other end for." He glanced over to see Liz watching him intently. "What?"

"You," she breathed.

He couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious. "What do you mean?"

She smiled and took his hand. "I love you," she told him simply, tipping up on her toes and pressing a kiss to his lips.

Jacob wasn't entirely sure what brought it on, but he certainly wouldn't be the one to argue it. He'd expected to be on the couch for a good week after this for not reading her in on it. He just hoped she wasn't waiting until they got home to lay into him.

Liz must have seen right through him because she carefully wrapped her arms around his middle and pressed her cheek against his chest in a hug. "I know why you did it, but we need to talk about things. You're the one always telling me that."

"I had to do it, Lizzy," he breathed.

"I know. If you promise to talk to me about it... I promise to trust your judgement on stuff like this."

"Deal," he murmured and pressed a kiss to her forehead. They were picking their way through the boundaries they needed in their relationship and this had been one more step. He had known she would be upset, but in the end Liz would always understand taking a risk to bring a kid home safe. It was one of the things he loved about her. Of course she would have preferred him to have found another way, but they'd all gotten out of it alive and relatively whole, and that's what really mattered in the end of it. "I'm always going to come home to you," he said softly, catching her attention.

"Promise?"

Jacob smiled and pulled her in close again. "Yeah. We've fought too hard not to, right?"

"Right," she laughed and finally released him, moving around to the driver's side of the SUV. "So, what are you cooking for me tonight for an apology dinner?"

"Is that what it's going to be?"

She gave him a smile that he was pretty sure she saved for him. "Make it good, Phelps."

He grinned and jumped into the passenger's seat. "I'm sure I can manage something."

"And this might be a good time for me to mention that I'm planning to invite everyone over for dinner once we have the new place completely set up."

"Yeah? Why's that? Because I can't argue it right now?"

"Exactly," she grinned.

Jacob's smile didn't fade as he leaned back, resting his head against the seat. He was tired and he was sore, but instead of looking immediately to the next assignment he was going home to have dinner with the woman he loved. Of all the risks he'd taken in his life, the ones he'd taken for her were the ones he'd repeat without hesitation. Trusting her, loving her, he didn't want to think of his life without Liz. He'd risked everything to make sure that he wouldn't have to.


	9. The Past That Haunts

**The Past That Haunts**

He had always known that it should have meant more than it did to him. He had watched the man tumble down the stairs, rolling head over heels all the way to the bottom, and he had heard the crack along the way. By fourteen he knew the sound of bones breaking.

Even then he had been sure that there should have been more than a dull sort of satisfaction in the fact that Tony Douglas wouldn't be able to break any more of _his_ bones and that the old drunk had gotten what he deserved. It had taken a moment of staring before his mind had finally come to grips with the fact that even though he understood that, no one else would. Jacob Phelps had escalated his usual delinquent activities of skipping school and landing himself into fights to murder. That's how it would be seen. They wouldn't care about the fact that Douglas had probably left his wife in a heap before coming after his foster son or that he'd beaten the hell out of him several times since he'd come to live there two years before.

So Jacob had run. He had grabbed the dead man's wallet and keys and took the Pontiac in the garage, and he had run. If it was wrong or right or somewhere in between, he was likely the worst person to ask. It had needed to be done to survive, so he has done it.

That's why these types of dreams caught him off guard. He knew that's what it was, but he couldn't shake himself free of it. All the emotions he _should_ have felt at the time felt like they were crashing over him, a tidal wave intent on pulling him under and drowning him. He didn't understand why though.

"Jacob?"

His name cut through the terror and he sat up, pulled out of the nightmare violently, and found himself sitting in his bed in his own home, Liz slowly reaching out to touch his arm from her place next to him. It took a moment for him to catch his breath, but he finally drew one in that helped to steady him a little and he leaned in as Liz carefully wrapped her arms around him. "You okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he breathed after a moment. "Just a dream."

"Sounded like a nightmare," his ex wife murmured. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. "You want to talk about it?"

Jacob shook his head. "No."

"Do you _need_ to talk about it?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it before another no could escape. Liz did her best not to profile him, but the more she learned, the more her nature took over on it. She was trying to be respectful of it, but he'd never really been very good at sharing. He had a hard enough time sifting through his own emotions, much less explaining them to someone else.

Jacob swallowed hard. "It's stupid. It doesn't make sense."

"Talk to me, then? Maybe we can figure it out?"

She was trying so hard to help him that he found the words tumbling out before he'd even given himself permission. "It was the night I killed Douglas."

"Your foster father?" He nodded and watched her frown in the darkness of the room. "Babe, you were fourteen. If it hadn't left an impression on you-"

"That's it," he cut in, falling back against the pillows. "It's not... I don't know, it's never been a big deal. I did what I had to to survive. I've never been torn up about it."

Liz shifted and leaned back with him. She was steadily working with him to try to understand where he was coming from on things and he had been trying to find the words to describe it. It wasn't that he didn't feel things. They were often just muted versions of what others felt, as far as he could tell. Where many people might recoil from the act of murder, even if there was a reason behind it, he only had the acknowledgment that that was how others reacted and how society expected him to react. If it was necessary, he had no personal qualms with it in most cases. In the same way, he didn't enjoy it particularly. He had always been more comfortable doing what others were not.

Like with everything, though, Liz had introduced changes. "Babe," she said softly, moving so that they were nearly touching and she propped herself up on her elbows so she could look at him. "A lot has happened. You've been hiding behind other people's emotions for more years than you haven't. It's only been the last few months that you've really started to figure out who _you_ are. Maybe with trying to get back into the adoption process - with a kid with a similar background to yours - it's stirred some stuff up."

Jacob loosed a breath and found he couldn't quite look away from her.

Liz offered him a smile. "What I'm saying," she said, leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, "is that this is part of a learning experience most people go through much younger. You're sorting through how you feel about it."

"I didn't care at the time either," he argued. Sometimes he wondered if Liz was building him up to be a better man than he was capable of being.

"Honey, you were a teenager that had been abused by the man. It's not like there's a straightforward reaction that you should have had." She leaned in and Jacob's eyes fluttered closed as she kissed him. He felt her hand on his face and his own traveled up her side until his fingers were tangled in her hair. The kiss deepened and for a moment, quieting his thoughts enough to gain some perspective.

When they broke, he didn't dare give himself a chance to think the words over and back away from them. "What if I screw this up?" he asked softly. "Matt is like me. I don't know what I'm feeling half the time, how can I help him?"

She watched him carefully. "You weren't worried about that the first time we tried to adopt... Were you?"

Jacob grimaced. "Tom Keen was a better man than I am," he admitted softly.

Liz laughed and his expression only made her giggle harder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She kissed the tip of his nose playfully. "You're being honest. I shouldn't tease you, but, babe, all those good things _are_ you. You're great at reading people, and when you don't know, you ask. Do you know how many people actually do that?"

He blinked at her, balanced precariously between being offended and taking her words as the compliment that he thought they were supposed to be meant as.

"Not many," she answered her own question. "It was one of the many little quirks that I loved about Tom. It hasn't faded. You still do that. Same with so many little things. You know that everyone has to learn what works best, right? Just because you have to work a little harder and you process it a little differently doesn't mean you have to be the perfect soldier Bud tried to make you into. I know you, Jacob Phelps. You care about people and you feel things, you just bury it a little deeper than most. If I was raised like you were, I probably would too."

"Because you _never_ bury how you're feeling," he murmured, a small smile curling his lips.

"Nope. Never," she teased and he leaned up to kiss her. "I love you. Tom. Jacob. Whatever you want to call yourself, I love _you_."

"I love you too," he answered, voice rough with emotion.

"Are you going to be okay with this? With Matt?"

He nodded, suddenly feeling the hour. "As long as I have you there to help balance me out."

"Only if you'll do the same for me," she said and nestled in with him, her head fit in the crook of his shoulder and he could feel her warm breath against his skin.

Jacob reached up, his fingers catching hold of her hair. "Deal."

"You going to be okay to meet his foster parents tomorrow?"

There it was. Jacob had to give it to the lateness of the hour that he hadn't put the fact that they were meeting with the couple the next day together with a nightmare about his own last set of foster parents. Liz hadn't missed it though. "Yeah."

"Leah won't move forward until she meets you too," Liz pointed out, "and they're going to be a big part of what sways this one way or the other."

"I know, Liz," he huffed and she wrapped an arm around his middle.

"No pressure."

"Uhhuh."

"Just be yourself."

"Terrible advice, babe."

She laughed and tightened her hold on him. "I didn't mean you should say everything that crosses your mind," she teased him. "Read the situation. You'll win her over."

Jacob shifted a little. "I feel like you're saying I have an uphill battle in this one. Anything I should know?"

"She just thinks it's weird she hasn't met you yet."

"Does she know...?" Jacob tapered off. Technically his past and his involvement with Bud's organisation was classified now. His past was a two edged sword with trying to adopt Matt, who had been in Bud's school when it fell. It was a delicate situation at best.

"A little. As much as she can. She knows you grew up in the foster system."

Jacob sighed softly.

"This is going to work."

He nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her close. "I know," he agreed and kissed the top of her head. She was entirely invested in this now, even with all of his warnings of caution. If he were honest, he wasn't far behind her on this. He had spent his childhood being taught he could do without a family, without stability, but now that's all he wanted. If he had a read on Matt, that's what the kid wanted too. He wasn't sure what kind of father he was going to make, but he'd give everything he knew how to if it would save Matt from traveling down the road he had traveled. They could give the kid a second chance.

"Love you," Liz whispered sleepily.

"You too," he answered. It was going to be okay. This time it would work. It had to.

* * *

Notes: I'm really interested to see if we get a better view on just how Jacob sees the world this season. Red described Bud's recruits as having 'sociopathic tendencies', but that could mean so many things. It'll be interesting to see where they take it.


End file.
